If you’re a longtime reader of this site or have spent enough time on Reddit, you likely know what weaponized incompetence is. For the uninformed, it’s deliberately doing a bad job to get out of a task, much to the annoyance of the people around. 

For today, we’ve scoured the Ask Women subreddit to pick out firsthand experiences of weaponized incompetence. Most of these responses were relatively harmless, but the idea that someone is trying to put one over on you via feigned ignorance is nonetheless irksome, to say the least. 

Scroll through these stories, and feel free to share similar experiences in the comment boxes below!

#1

My soon to be ex husband refuses to learn to cook so our kid has to cook their own dinner if I’m stuck at work late. He also won’t do the weekly shop, diy, even put washing away. He is flat out lazy and soon he will be single and lazy cause I’m over his bs.

Image credits: tinribs79

#2

My ex husband told me on Friday that he couldn’t pick our sons up from school because he doesn’t know which school they go to..

Image credits: LyannaCeltiger88

#3

I had a friend whose husband claimed to be unable to cook to the extent that he apparently couldn’t turn on the oven and put a frozen lasagna in it. He wasn’t being expected to decide when it was done or anything, just literally turn on the oven and place an object inside. Apparently he was incapable of operating the oven.

He was an electrician.

Image credits: Greengage1

#4

He told me he couldn’t pick up dish soap because he didn’t know where it was in the store.

Sir….

Image credits: IcyTrapezium

#5

That guy that stopped for at a drive through coffee while his wife was in the car about to give birth to their baby.

Image credits: Ok_Ad_5658

#6

There’s a post from today where a father says he can’t watch his 4 y/o because he doesn’t know what to do. He’s unemployed and at home. His wife can’t afford daycare and is upset her sister won’t watch the baby because she’s doing online college and “has time”.

Image credits: Fun-Yellow-6576

#7

Im a nurse. Patients who are fully capable come into the hospital all the time and won’t wipe their own a*s.

Image credits: noelcherry_

#8

My FORMER boyfriend who couldn't put sheets on the bed correctly, and acted like he had never seen how a fitted sheet was supposed to look. He also gave up when the pillowcase got twisted because he just stuffed the pillow in it.

Image credits: 1955photo

#9

My parents are in their late 70’s and they have the typical old school relationship. My Dad worked and my Mom stayed at home and did everything. Even the stereotypical “man stuff”. Lawn mowing, fixing things that broke, just an overall bada*s who gets s**t done. But I digress… Well, my Mom’s work included doing the laundry for the 50+ years they’ve been married. This became an issue last year when my mom had a health issue and was in inpatient therapy for 2 months.

My Dad, who ran companies, said he “didn’t know how to use the washing machine” and wanted one of his kids to come wash his clothes. We said absolutely not. We’d show him how to use it and if he later acted like he couldn’t do it then he was just going to have stinky clothes until our mom came home. It’s a washing machine, not a dang rocket ship.

Image credits: Free_Bingo

#10

My ex. Pretended not to know the vacuum isn't vacuuming when I told him to vacuum his dog's hair. He had a PhD.

Image credits: so_lost_im_faded

#11

Whenever my dad is left home alone for more than a day my mum cooks food for him in advance so he doesn’t starve to death.

Image credits: Dry-Tourist-6836

#12

I had to clean my ex gf’s apartment all the time because she saw no problem with basically living in a litterbox. I ended up managing her finances/budgeting for similar reasons.

Image credits: [deleted]

#13

My ex roommate and a guy I knew for a decade. We decided that we would switch off cooking/dishes so whoever cooks the other person washes up. My dinners were actual meals, his dinners were ramen or a frozen pizza even though he's a grown man. I would wash all the dishes, he would 'let them soak' then wash them poorly and say "but you're soo much better at it then I am!" We tried just cooking for ourselves but he would hover and "oooh can I have a little bit?" Ever so slowly I realized I was taking over all the cooking and dishes "because I'm so much better at it". It was like boiling a frog and I honestly didn't notice it until he started nitpicking a dish here or there. He didn't last long.

Image credits: ProfuseMongoose

#14

My ex kept leaving his dirty boxers on chairs. When I confronted him about it, he said "I don't know where the dirty clothes box is".

He had been in my house for two f*cking years.

Image credits: ARasDeFiga

#15

Third date, after taking his virginity (27M), he asked me to get him an Uber home on MY PHONE because he didn’t know how. I told him to wait outside my house for his Uber and I never called an Uber.

Image credits: Substantial-Luck2413

#16

I was with someone for 5 years and they would only ever cook tenderstem broccoli and steak if ever given dinner duty. I got COVID from him - thankfully we both didn't get it at the same time (his ended and mine started). Not only did I cook for him when he was ill. I ended up having to cook for us when I was ill. I asked him to cook me a meal he has seen me make countless times as I was craving something comforting - he started blaming me for not teaching him prior to when there is literally the internet for instructions. If I didn't cook, I would have had to live off the burgers or whatever heavy c**p he would order from whatever delivery service. Oh and during this, he would wake me up if he ever thought I was napping for too long, not ever considering the fact that I was really ill and not getting enough sleep at night.

This man works in Amazon as a Technical Operations Lead.

Image credits: wednesdayowl

#17

My brother spent his and my entire childhood dodging our parents' extremely basic "how to take care of a house, balance finances, and not starve" lessons because of weaponized incompetence. As an example, mom would have us make our own lunch once we got old enough. Really basic things like soup, or sandwiches, or reheating leftovers. All the ingredients were easy to find and provided for us. She just wanted us to, you know, be able to make a damn sandwich. My brother would go to the fridge, open the door, stare inside it for a few seconds, close the door, and declare he couldn't make lunch because there was no ketchup for a sandwich. So, my mom would say something like, "It's on the top shelf." So, he'd go back to the fridge, open it, stare at the top shelf for a few seconds, close the door, and say it wasn't there. So my mom would say, "It's on the top shelf, on the left." He'd do the same thing. She would have to give instructions so specific that it ended up being something like, "Go to the fridge. Open it. Look at the top shelf. Look on the left side of it. If there is a yellow jar that says mayonnaise on it, pick it up. Look behind where that jar was sitting. The bottle is red." It was infuriating to watch.

Image credits: MostlyChaoticNeutral

#18

My husband (now ex)

Him: (at home) I want pizza.

Me: (busy working) why don’t *you* call it in?

Him: I don’t know how.

Me: just call them.

Him: I don’t have the number.

Me: neither do I, look it up.

Him: what’s the name again?

Me: (still busy at work) really?

Him: I don’t know what to order.

Me: I think you can figure it out.

Him: do they deliver?

Me: no, you have to go get it.

Him: can’t you order it and get it on your way home?

Me: (I need a divorce)

I wish I was exaggerating but I’m not.

Image credits: nomdeplumealterego

#19

My current husband cannot fold clothing and put it away. He can wash it. But it either stays on the top of the dryer in a wad, or on the wool rug in the living room gathering lint.

I have shown him (multiple times) how to fold towels to fit in the cabinet, tee shirts so they don’t wrinkle, and everything else. He can’t do it.

Whatever.

He flew a spy jet around the coast of Russia, and was a commercial airline captain, but he cannot fold clothing.

Sigh.

Image credits: leafcomforter

#20

My brother has a high IQ, went to mechanic school, started his own business, sells solar, grows his own pot plants, goes on hikes in the mountains solo, obtained a gun license, and made smart investments in Tesla years ago.

However, he acts incompetent so my mom makes his doctors appointments for him and brings him to the appointments. She also picks up any medications or toiletry products he needs from CVS for him. My dad does all of his laundry and puts it away, does all of his dishes, takes all of his trash out, and pays for all of his bills. When my brother has a problem with his car, my dad makes an appointment with a mechanic, brings my brother’s car in for him, and then takes an Uber back.

My brother is the smartest person I know, and yet, my parents treat him like he’s an incompetent child.

Image credits: pbd1996

#21

My ex invited me over to hang out. When I got there, he was getting ready to go to an event later that required him to wear a nice shirt. He got out the ironing board, iron, shirt, and said, "OK, here you go."

What?

He asked me to come over to iron his shirt because his mom usually did it for him, but she was at work.

He was 28.

#22

My current coworker. How many times can you say “maybe someday” to learning something new before it just becomes a no? It’s making a PDF, not rocket science. I have made her instructions with pictures and she still refuses to do anything more than email on the computer and even that takes her over 30 min/email.

She also turns every task into an hour long project no matter what it is and goes completely unchecked by HR or our boss. I’d almost be impressed if it wasn’t so irritating and draining to work with.

Image credits: babythrottlepop

#23

My ex took care of himself perfectly well before I moved in. Once I'd been there a while, I took over cooking, which was fine at first because I like to cook. By the end, he acted like he'd never been inside a kitchen before (even though he cooked for himself before I was there). The peak of this particular nonsense was one night when I was just tired and Done for some reason I don't remember, but he deemed insufficient, and he got pouty and whined about not having any dinner. I told him he could fix himself something, whereupon he went to the kitchen, brought back two slices of bread, and ate his bread sandwich at me.

#24

Went to school with a guy who bragged about telling his girlfriend he didn’t know how to tie his shoes so “she would always have to do it”. Never spoke to him again. Probably a m*****rer.

#25

My husband has been unable to hold a steady job for as long as I’ve known him, but he has bragged about how he used to work at least 60 hrs/wk since he was 17 to support himself and his parents (and even a female roommate at some point). Since getting married, he has graduated college and gained professional experience under his belt. He has been out of work for the last 6 months and claims he can’t find a job, and the excuses keep changing. I’m starting to think he just doesn’t want to work.

Image credits: sick_pallas_cat

#26

Dumping a whole bucket of water on the floor because she swore she didn't know that's not how you mop. Never mind she had been shown, just like the rest of us, how the mop and ringer bucket on wheels work. Unpleasant coworker many years ago.

Burning just the cheese(I still haven't figured out how he managed that without burning the rest of the one pot meal) on the hamburger helper while I was sick and he was supposed to make dinner for the kids. I will give him credit, after I demanded that he clean up the mess he made and fed the kids an edible meal, he never pulled that one again. Husband.

Bonus... Not weaponized incompetence, but I believe voluntelling is in the same vein... Mother in law found out that saying I would provide deviled eggs for the church get together did not actually get her good karma credit or the church deviled eggs. She actually tried it a second time and had to learn how to make them herself because I refused, again. I do not attend the church and know very few people in it.

Image credits: star_b_nettor

#27

My boyfriend told me I was better at putting the flea and tick meds on our dog, it’s simply just squirting the eye dropper type packaging between her shoulders, and she’s good about it. Same with bath time, he just doesn’t like to do it and says in “better at it”.

Image credits: Decent_Friend_1511

#28

I had a professor in university who clearly didn't know the material he was teaching, but instead of admitting it, he would just grade extremely harshly and make the tests incredibly difficult. It was obvious that he was trying to cover up his own lack of knowledge, and it made the class a nightmare.

Image credits: feedTheCatPizza

#29

My little brother who never washed the dishes properly in his life because he knew that if he did a bad job, every will stop asking him to do them. We saw right through his little play, and instead of abusing him and making him wash them again, or disciplining him in any way, we just let him have his way because “he’s the baby” which pissed me and my older brother off because WE would get punished for any “half-assed jobs” we did.

He owns a dishwasher now. Found himself the sweetest little cupcake of a girlfriend who hates dishes too, also the baby of her family! But what gets me, is that during family gatherings now that we all flew the nest, he’s actually very happy and diligent doing dishes for granny!

I knew all along because when we were just just old enough to start doing house chores, our babysitter told him “if you don’t like doing the dishes then just do a bad job”

Image credits: crackirkaine

#30

My dad. My mom cooks him breakfast, lunch and dinner every single day. Whenever she’s not home, he tries to make her feel bad by not eating anything. He can’t even make himself a damn toast!

#31

My grandfather, who is now in his 90s, has spent his life as a walking weaponised incompetence. Starting from his youth to this day, he’s never opened a fridge nor used a stove. He doesn’t even know how to turn on the TV because my late grandmother did everything for him, including cleaning the toilet after he used it.

She told us a story about how she gave birth at home and left the bed to cook for him an hour after the birth because he wouldn’t be able to feed himself alone.

#32

A 6’4’’ 29 year old well educated man waiting for an electrician (or me, his much shorter ex gf) to come change a lightbulb for him

#33

When my brother had to move away 3 hours for school, he bought a deep freezer and my mom would cook for days and portion the meals out into containers and she and my dad would drive out to his apartment to restock his freezer and clean his place for him. When he came home to visit, he would bring bags of laundry for my mom to do. That last part continued for years as he moved around to different major cities in the states around us for work. He was in medical school and then working at top hospitals as a doctor, still having my mom do all that stuff for him.

Image credits: wackyDELYyeah

#34

This old dude from shipping coming to help put away stock in inventory. He’s done it a thousand times. But every time he has to help us, he acts like he doesn’t know how to do it. He’s been working for this company longer than I have and I’ve been here five years. It’s always dudes that pretend to be dumb and act like they just don’t get it. I hate that sh*t. I can’t pay attention, I get lost in my racing thoughts but f*ck I can scan barcodes and put up inventory.

#35

In IT I see this ALL.THE.TIME

But I got one story that's easily the worst

In my office building there's this guy, we'll just call him..."Dan" for now

Dan thinks he can fix everything, despite not having qualifications for the things he claims he can fix, he'll take on tasks that are WAAAAAAY above his head and even management tells him "Hey, don't try fixing that, you have no idea what you're doing" But he ignores them anyways because he thinks he's so awesome

He seems to become FUMING whenever I'm asked to do something over him and always followed me to a task despite me telling him to leave me alone

I was doing routine server blade maintenance for a network in the building, extremely easy job and to put it simply you flick a switch, take a giant server blade out of what looks like a bookshelf, put it back in, turn the switch back on and that's it

He follows me into the server room and starts TAKING THE BLADES OUT WITHOUT TURNING THEM OFF FIRST, the blades started literally SPARKING, and I started to freak out and tell him to stop because what he's doing could literally destroy the server, it was the equivalent of pulling the plug on something high voltage that's running, and when it's hardware that's worth literal millions, you don't want to f**k around with it like that

He then starts laughing his a*s off saying I'm freaking out for no reason and he knows what he's doing, I ended up going right to management and reporting him, the whole thing was caught on camera and he got in serious trouble for nearly damaging company equipment

Instead of firing him they put him on a completely different lower level team with a lower pay, he sent me a looooooooong message using the company email system about how I'm a horrible person for reporting him and how I should die and blah blah blah

For whatever stupid reason he thought he wouldn't be caught despite using the COMPANY EMAIL SYSTEM to send me this

So he got caught and got in MORE trouble, I haven't seen him in months, assuming they let him go.

Wherever you are "Dan" I hope your life sucks.

Image credits: MidnightFireHuntress

#36

This guy at work mangles paperclips. Like literally just bends the help out of them. He's in his early 20s. I'm not sure if he thinks it's funny or is just trying to fail at paperwork so bad so it gets taken away.

I can't honestly believe that a 20 yr old can't use a paperclip that badly.

Image credits: wwcat89

#37

The IT one above (which was more just incompetence than weaponized incompetence) reminded me of an IT guy at work. I called IT at my large federal agency, because the printer wouldn't work. After an hour I get a notice that the ticket (sort of like a work request) was closed. Not because the printer had been fixed, but because he claimed he couldn't find my office. You know, my office. The one in the corner, where I oversee the rest of the staff on two floors.

I have lots from my first husband, but I prefer not to think of those.

Image credits: Puzzleheaded_Age6550

#38

As a cocktail server, I would pretend I was really stupid. The men would "teach me" things like really really complex man things and tell me what I should think about man things. I would act so grateful and they would overtip.

One time I ran into one of the men. He was walking with his family and l was walking out of a college building, carrying books from class.

The look on his face, shook that I am in fact not a dummy and was attending an "elite" private college AND also the realization that I could blow up his spot since he definitely would tell his wife he was working late when he was partying.... oh I just laughed and laughed and laughed. Never saw him again.

#39

Hopefully this is an appropriate example. My ex was so stinkin smart. He’s a forensic investigator for god sakes. I had to teach him how to use a washer and dryer when we got together (on top of teaching him dishes, etc). This man was 25 and his mom cleaned his room until we moved in together. We agreed I’d do the dishes and he’d do the laundry. I taught him how to wash and dry multiple times. He got to where he’d do it and not immediately put it in the dryer, not take them out of the dryer and just walk around with wrinkled clothes, etc. Every single time I’d tell him that laundry includes taking clothes out of the dryer and folding them/hanging them up he’d act like he’d just forgotten for whatever reason. I had to go into work SO MANY TIMES with the most wrinkled clothes. The very few times he did put the clothes up because I nagged so much, he’d fold them like s**t on purpose. Got to the point where I ended up having to do it myself because it was easier. Then I realized he was just doing that to get out of it because he’d spent his entire life never having to do anything and it was just easier if I did it. Throwing clothes in the washing machine and moving them is nothing, but having to put them up? Why do that when you can act like you have bad ADHD and fold clothes like dog s**t on purpose knowing I’d end up having to re-do my clothes for work?

#40

My husband purposefully f***s up whatever task I ask him to do. I started catching on and now when he does it I say things like, “it’s concerning you can’t do this… as an adult.”.

#41

My bil in 46 and lives with mil. Mil has health and memory issues. She needs very basic help around the house, reminders to take meds, light cleaning, drive to apts, etc. He just can't do it. He hasn't worked for years, lives off her pension. My fam moved accross the country to help her, and bil can't even do the dishes.

#42

OMG. My ex had an extra excuse; he's left-handed. Couldn't load a dishwasher because it was on the "wrong" side of the sink. The washer was on the 'wrong' side of the dryer, so obviously, he couldn't do laundry. Couldn't mow because, yes, the pull cord was on the wrong side.

He also couldn't empty the dishwasher or put away laundry because he didn't know where anything went. I know there's more, but I've tried to forget the majority of his BS.

#43

when my mom left, my dad pretended he was unable to clean or cook or even go grocery shopping. i was 21 at the time and he tried making me do it for him. i had zero problem washing some of his clothes if i was doing my laundry anyway, or bringing him some groceries when i needed to go to the supermarket.

well he never returned that favor so i eventually stopped. god damn is it weird having to play caregiver to your very capable but lazy parent.

#44

I work with a lady who gets her 4 kids up at 4:30 AM in order to have them bathed, fed, dressed, and off to school before she comes in to work at 6, then she picks them up after school to repeat the cycle and do bed time for all 4. She says it stresses her husband (father of all 4) out to start his day that way before work so she does it all lol.

#45

Oh boy, I have 2 stories:

I had all of my wisdom teeth pulled and the dentist put me on some heavy painkillers that made me dizzy and nauseated. Asked ex-bf to make me condensed canned soup (literally add water and heat up). He stood there, looking at me with the can in his hand, asking me how much water to add. I got up, lost my balance and hit my head on the nightstand to help this grown ass man make canned soup. He didn’t even bother to watch me do it or make sure I was ok, just ended up watching football.

I can’t tell you how many times my former boss asked me how to attach a document to an email or convert a word document to a pdf. If former boss didn’t know how to do it, it became my job to do it. And when I didn’t know how to do it, it was misconduct on my end for “not meeting performance standards” which led to my eventual termination. Luckily I won the unemployment appeals and brought their sh*tty behavior to light.

#46

My ex husband:

He would always compliment my gift wrapping skills, I thought it was because I was actually good at it but then I realised that he just didn't want to do it. So one Christmas I made him wrap every present ment for his part of the family. He would struggle cutting paper, fail to put tape on correctly and rip the string while "trying" to curl it. First he was laughing about it but when he realised I wouldn't take over he got mad at me.

When we were cleaning our house (which would be right before we had guests as he wouldn't participate otherwise) he would focus on something insignificant and irrelevant while I was stuck doing the rest of the house.

When we were at the end of our marriage but he had not yet moved out we decided that we would divide cooking between us so each of us would do it every other day. When it was his days he would come out of the kitchen up to 10 times every time, asking where something was or how something was done. Once he asked how to cook rice, even though he was 30 years old. It was so obvious it was almost comical.

2 years after us divorcing he would still ask me what size our daughter was in clothes. He has stopped but Im pretty sure its because he has a girlfriend now.

#47

Oh man. Went on a trip to Costa Rica. It was my mom’s boyfriend’s family vacation, so I didn’t really know anyone. I find out that one relative named Taylor is a travel agent and booked the whole trip.

On the morning of the flight, Taylor shows up to the airport and says her husband just LOST his passport. That she had been up all night trying to find it with no luck. Eventually she had to say “okay, we’re going without you” and she now has to travel with 4 kids to Costa Rica without her husband.

Dude finds his passport in his f*****g sock drawer 4 days later. He makes the 18 hour trip to Costa Rica to spend 1.5 days with us, then make the 18 hour trip back. Dude had a terrible attitude the whole time, too.

I was blown away. I don’t know what I would do if my husband pulled that sh*t.

#48

Not "knowing" or being able to be supportive for my depression but has helped friends through theirs.

#49

Weaponized emotional incompetence- pretending to not know why I’m upset or that I even am upset when I confronted him about the sh*tty thing he said or did to make me upset. And it’s not just me thinking he should know, it’s him knowingly saying hurtful things and then being like “well I didn’t know that me saying Im more attracted to women who are skinnier than you or that I like women with bigger boobs than yours would upset you.” Yes you did.

#50

My brother said he didn’t know how to use the new broom and dustpan bc it was too fancy … he just didn’t want to crouch down and sweep the trash . so there were piles of dirt all over the kitchen and living room floor . same ‘man’ who said he didn’t know which trash bags went in the trash can when he can obviously tell bc we (sister and i ) use purple for the kitchen and pink for the big stuff . same ‘man’ who said he couldn’t take the trash out bc he didn’t know what day of the week it went out … all he has to do is look outside at everyone else’s . he’s extremely selfish and lazy .

#51

I was post-surgery and starving and asked him to make me an instant porridge. It was a chocolate powder and needed some boiling water mixed in.

He brought me the powder in a bowl, no water added in, insisting it's being served correctly. This man had a PhD in a natural science field. He'd used that as an argument to why what he's serving me is correct, while he was giving me literal. powder. without. water.

#52

Had an ex who couldn't make himself a cup of coffee. Tried to teach him, and he would run out of the room because he "couldn't handle it." It was coffee regular or with milk and sugar.

#53

I asked my husband the other week to put the rug back in front of the kitchen sink that I washed. He threw it down crooked with a corner bunched up. When I pointed it out he said “what? You’re being so ocd.” Like no dude. F*cking do it right.

#54

My ex husband doesn’t work, hasn’t in over 12 years, and lives with his Mommy. College degreed and a CTO of a startup when I met him. I filed for child support recently and he is now refusing to let his mother go to elder care (she’s gone for years and years four days a week) because he needs to tell the court he is her full time care giver and that is why he can’t work. I knew I married a jerk, but I didn’t realize how lazy and manipulative he was…

#55

He would sit at home and play video games all day (unemployed) and when I asked him why he didn't clean when I was gone at college/work he said it was because I "always yell at him for doing it wrong" which was literally untrue. I just wanted him to do ANYTHING other than sit in one spot all day playing a f*cking MOBA.

#56

I feel bad saying this, but my bf’s household. His mom takes on everything (cooking, cleaning, and full time job). He works hard and gives her rides and stuff. His sister is close to my age (I’m 30) and everyone does everything for her. She recently got her first job, but my bf has to drive her everywhere and she gets all the free time to sleep because she doesn’t help with anything. It has been a huge point of tension between us. He is fine spoiling her and she treats everyone like sh*t and acts like I don’t exist.

#57

My ex, who claimed that “wanting the bed made” wasn’t a moral good and my preference to have the bed made shouldn’t trump his preference to want the bed unmade. He would also cry every time I brought up division of labor because he was “raised wealthy and didn’t know things like baseboards needed to be cleaned.” He was obsessed about not turning into a sit-com dad who couldn’t do anything but every time I asked him to do something he would cry because he was “sorry” he didn’t know how to do it already. Absolutely exhausting.

#58

My deadbeat dad. Lost his co-owner job at a company because he signed a contract without reading it and has refused to get a job since. Makes my twice cancer survivor mom clean houses for a living because he's "depressed".

#59

my little brother is almost 18 and can't clean, cook simple meals, do laundry, or wash dishes because my mom has always had my sister do those things or did them herself for him.

#60

Working with men.