Getting your ears pierced is a personal choice that everyone should get to make for themself. Whether you wait until you’re in your twenties to go through with it or start begging your parents to get you earrings from the age of 7, the experience should be exciting and enjoyable. So when this woman’s daughter decided that it was time to add some bling to her ears, she saw nothing wrong with that.
Her husband, however, was anything but thrilled when he found out about the ear piercing excursion. Below, you’ll find the full story that the mother recently posted on Reddit, as well as a conversation with therapist and creator of Save The Marriage, Lee H. Baucom, PhD.
This woman’s daughter was thrilled to get her ears pierced after she turned 8
Image credits: Kampus Production / Pexels (not the actual photo)
But her husband was furious that she didn’t ask for his permission first
Image credits: Kampus Production / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Gustavo Fring / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: ThrowRA56030
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
“While not every single little decision needs to be a joint decision, this one was clearly seen as a rite-of-passage”
To gain some perspective on this situation from a relationship expert, we got in touch with marriage therapist and creator of Save The Marriage, Lee H. Baucom, PhD. He was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and discuss whether or not spouses should make decisions about their children without consulting one another.
“While not every single little decision needs to be a joint decision, this one was clearly seen as a rite-of-passage,” Dr. Baucom shared. “That is a bit different, since it may be something that both want to be part of.”
“Even if it was something that seemed less important for another child, there was clearly lots of thought and planning on her part that was not communicated to her spouse,” the expert continued. “In that case, simply checking to see if they are in agreement would have sufficed.”
So what is the best way to work through an issue like this, when one spouse is upset about the other not consulting them prior to making a decision?
“First, not making it an issue in front of the child is a good response,” Dr. Baucom noted. “This was nothing the child was responsible for. Many times, a spouse gets angry and reacts in front of the child, causing trauma where it is a matter between the parents.”
“But second, expressing the disappointment of not being included could have been a calm conversation, as well as looking for ways to prevent the same thing in the future,” he continued. “The husband did well on the first part, but failed horribly on the second. He tried to use aggression, anger, and shame to vent his feelings. And I suspect, he was hoping that would control future actions.”
Image credits: Keira Burton / Pexels (not the actual photo)
“Physical aggression is never okay, under any circumstances”
We also asked the expert if the way the husband reacted should be seen as a red flag. “This is really the heart of the situation,” he told Bored Panda. “Using bodily aggression when he grabbed her, is a serious and scary situation. With her being pregnant, that becomes even more frightening for her.”
Dr. Baucom says that the wife needs to set a very clear boundary that physical aggression is completely out of bounds for their relationship. “I suspect it will take awhile before she can feel safe again. Physical aggression is never okay, under any circumstances,” he shared. “That should be a fundamental agreement in any relationship.”
Finally, the therapist added that the bigger issue in all of this is about control.
“He felt excluded, and he sought to reinstate control. Since he used rationale that made no sense for their situation, he used physical violence to reinforce his reaction, and he berated her, it seems clear that control was the real underlying issue,” Dr. Baucom explained. “That is something they need to work through, before it escalates further.”
Feel free to share your thoughts on this situation in the comments down below, pandas. Then, if you’d like to read another article from Bored Panda discussing similar relationship issues, look no further than right here.
Readers immediately pointed out that the husband’s reaction was concerning, and the mother chimed in to share more details about the situation
Many warned the author that she may be in a dangerous situation
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