No two weddings are really the same. Every couple chooses to celebrate love in their own way, whether that means hosting it in a tree house, including bungee jumping, or excluding kids.
The latter is constantly being discussed online because children, as joyous as they are, can sometimes be disruptive. Redditor DarealMistake’s sister-in-law was one of the people who wasn’t happy to accept a child-free celebration. After the bride stood her ground about not wanting kids at their wedding, the family member became upset and refused to come to it at all.
Wishing to solve the situation, she turned to the “AITAH” subreddit to ask netizens if she’s being heartless or reasonable about having a “no-kid” rule at their celebration.
Scroll below to read the whole story and find a conversation with etiquette expert Diane Gottsman, who shone a light on child-free weddings.
Every couple imagines their wedding differently, and this one wanted to spend their day without children
Image credits: Felipe Bustillo / unsplash (not the actual photo)
However, bride’s sister-in-law wasn’t happy about the decision and even refused to come to the wedding
Image credits: Dmitry Zvolskiy / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Jørgen Håland / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Dareal_Mistake
An etiquette expert advises approaching a child-free wedding with care and compassion
Not inviting children to a wedding still stirs up quite a bit of controversy amongst parents who attend them. Despite the couple’s best intentions, guests with little ones might be apprehensive about the no-kids rule, hence the sister-in-law’s reaction.
Bored Panda reached out to leading etiquette expert and owner of The Protocol School of Texas, Diane Gottsman, who was kind enough to share some tips on how to approach celebrations without kids. She began by saying that “there is nothing wrong with having a child-free wedding, and it’s certainly a personal preference.” However, “they must be navigated with some care and compassion for the parents who feel slighted when their children are not included.”
She suggests that the best way to communicate this decision is by making it clear on the invitation by stating specific names. But if someone asks if they can bring their child or children, consistency is key. “Problems occur when the couple allows some children while not following the same guidelines for others.”
Gottsman also provided advice on how to deal with parents who can’t leave their little ones at home. “If a person opts out of your wedding because they can’t bring their children, it’s important for the bride and groom to understand and not hold it against them. There are reasons why a parent would want or need to include their children.
For example, if they are traveling and uncomfortable with unfamiliar babysitters, or if a parent with a newborn baby is not comfortable leaving the baby for any length of time. All of these reasons are understandable, and the bride and groom should be understanding of their reasons for choosing not to attend.”
She concluded by saying that “child-free weddings work best when the rules aren’t broken for one family and held firm for another.”
There are various reasons why a couple would want to exclude children from their wedding
From the bride’s and groom’s perspectives, there are many explanations for why they would decide to have adult-only celebrations. Some may have a tighter budget and can’t accommodate guests with kids. Keeping children entertained at weddings can be quite difficult and expensive. This often requires hiring a babysitter or a kids’ entertainer to keep little ones happy. Or setting up a kids’ room with toys, games, and activities like a bouncy castle to occupy them outside. Also, all the young guests need to eat, and all of those expenses can quickly add up.
There’s a safety issue to think about too. Certain venues are simply not suitable for children. They may have ponds or lakes on their property that don’t have any railings or other measures to stop them from falling in. Some locations have steep steps, loose grounds, or a busy street nearby – all of which pose a safety risk for little ones. Guests will then be obliged to worriedly watch over their children, which can take away from the fun.
Besides, guests without kids will be able to relax a lot more. They won’t have to worry about where their kids are or what they’re doing. On top of that, there’s no need to juggle nap and feeding time or comfort toddlers when they get hurt or disinterested. Parents will be able to “let their hair down” and have a night off from being a mom or a dad.
There seems to be a consensus that when a couple decides to celebrate without kids for whatever reason, it’s polite to have respect for it on both sides. Thankfully, the original poster’s sister-in-law was able to compromise and find a way to make it to the wedding.
Commenters were applauding bride’s decision
English (US) ·