Redditors have recently been sharing the moments when they realized that they were dating an idiot, so we’ve gathered their funniest stories below. Keep reading to also find a conversation with Relationship and Dating Coach Mila Smith, and be sure to upvote the stories that you believe warrant an immediate break-up!
#1
When he asked my grandmother if she'd ever had children.
Image credits: LadyShylock
#2
“How do oil companies know where to build gas stations?” — she thought that there was a gasoline bubble underground that they would tap into and run a line straight to the pump.
She was working for Chevron.
Image credits: Singular_Plurality
#3
I told him I had to leave in 1.5 hours. He told me that was oddly specific and I should have rounded up to 2 hours instead of 1 hour and 50 minutes. I clarified that I had to leave in 1 hour and 30 minutes and he said that’s actually 1.3 hours.
Image credits: IndividualAd2337
To learn more about what it's like to realize your partner may not be the brightest bulb, we reached out to Relationship and Dating Coach Mila Smith. Mila was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and explain how common this is.
"Typically, I work with clients whose past relationships fell apart for one reason or another, and if I’m honest, intellectual level doesn’t come up very often, as it’s usually determined early on," the expert says. "It’s more likely to play a part if people get involved when they are very young and then grow and evolve at a different pace (well, some fail to evolve at all)."
#4
“What kinda bird is a ham?” was hard to ignore.
Image credits: dude_stfu
#5
When he ran out of gas while in line at the Starbucks drive thru, right across the street from the gas station. I told him to get gas first because his car was low but he REALLY needed that iced caramel macchiato. I asked why he didn't listen to me, and he replied with "I thought I could make it."
He ended up PUSHING the car through the drive thru and got his coffee while doing so, then 'parked' the car in the lot and called a tow. TO TOW IT BACK HOME. Instead of the gas station ACROSS THE STREET. No he did not get any gas that day, he waited until his dad got off work to bring a 3 gallon jug of gasoline because I refused to enable that s**t
ETA: I fell asleep after commenting, I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone with all these comments, holy s**t thank you for the reward!
Yes I'm still in a relationship with him. He's a space case but so am I, just not to that extent lmao I have not let him live that day down and he has learned to get gas first every time now.
The worst part of that day was the fact he didn't remember he had a canister for gasoline in his trunk. He told me he towed the car home instead of the gas station because he was too embarrassed and ashamed of himself. I asked why he still pushed his car through the Starbucks drive thru and he deadpan goes "I had enough stars for a free drink, I was gonna put the extra money I saved in my tank (gas)." My brain broke for a second because he uses the preloaded Starbucks app. How was he going to use $7 of his preloaded Starbucks app at a Chevron? He still hasn't answered me and it's been two years since it happened.
Edit 2: I showed him this and he flipped me off and said if this makes me famous he demands royalties lmao.
Image credits: guinea-pig-cthulu
#6
She had a new telescope and thought it would be really cute to check out the stars after a date one night. I don’t remember the full conversation but at some point I joked about us being stuck together on this giant ball in space. She looked through the telescope again and said, “So you believe that huh?” I just stared at her blankly because I was afraid of that question going any further. Anyways, happy to share that we didn’t last long but did you guys know that “there’s totally like, a lot of evidence that our planet is probably not round?”.
Image credits: wowimnotdeadyet
Does it cause problems if two partners aren't exactly on the same intellectual level? "It depends what is important to a particular individual, what they value in a relationship," Mila says. "If an intellectual debate and education is high on their list of priorities, it would be hard to overlook an intellectual mismatch."
"However, some people value other forms of intelligence more, such as emotional intelligence – and it’s not necessarily linked to IQ," the dating and relationship coach added. "If you appreciate your partner regardless, you may be able to work around their perceived lack of intelligence tactfully, without making them feel inferior."
#7
Her: “Look at the moon. That ain’t right.”
Me: “What do you mean?”
Her: “You’re not supposed to see the moon during the day time. The government put that there to spy on us.”
Me: “…”.
Image credits: CrushinatorYOOHOO
#8
I was cutting plywood on my table saw. She came up behind me when I didn't know she was there and decided to "help" me by pushing a sheet when I was already pushing it through. It lurched, and I damn near lost a finger. She had no idea why I was angry at poor little her.
Image credits: Unterraformable
#9
She asked me if she had to divorce her first husband before we got married. ?♂️.
Image credits: thebradman
So is there anything daters can do to make sure that they don't find themselves with this problem in their relationships? "First and foremost, identify your needs and an ideal partner profile," Mila noted. "Excuse a shopping analogy, but it helps if you have a shopping list and avoid rushing into a supermarket hungry: you’ll end up with a basket full of junk!"
"Should you decide that a potential partner’s intelligence is one of the top desired qualities, stick to your guns, and look out for various cues," the expert recommends. "When you’re on a date, ask open-ended questions to encourage your partner to talk and, given the opportunity, disclose your interests and level of education, so they are more likely to reciprocate and share their story with you."
#10
I was in a long term relationship with a girl while I was attending grad school and we shared a studio apartment. One winter evening, I had planned to spend a late night at the school library doing some reading assignments, but was so exhausted that I decided to pack up and go home early.
When I got home, I opened the door and immediately got hit by an overwhelming smell of gas. Turns out this girl had decided that she was cold and the best way to heat up our apartment would be to turn the oven on and leave the oven door open, thinking the heat from the oven would warm the apartment. Did I mention the windows were completely shut and locked?
I immediately opened the windows, got her out of the apartment, and called building management. She couldn’t understand what the big deal was until I finally got through to her that she could have very well died of carbon monoxide poisoning had I not come home early that night. To top it off, she told me she had planned to light some candles…
We broke up a few months later.
Image credits: Mavrik484
#11
I was having bad cramps and I took an Advil. My ex told me I shouldn’t take them because it’s a gazebo.
Image credits: BabySirloin
#12
She seemed to be confused about the difference between flamingos and penguins, but insisted they weren’t real because she’d grown up in Alaska and never seen any.
Image credits: Distinct_Safety5762
Finally, Mila added that we shouldn't lose sight of what's most important in a relationship. "Attraction and chemistry are important, but if you’re looking for a long-term partner, don’t forget about other cornerstones of a happy, healthy relationship: friendship, compatibility, sharing key life values. These features and perspectives are the main predictors of a relationship success and longevity."
#13
Senior year of high school, I'd been offered a full-ride college scholarship for athletics. My girlfriend at the time was always annoyed with how much time I dedicated to my sport - in a particular conversation, I made my case that without the sport, I probably wouldn't be able to go to college and even if I could, I'd be riddled with debt. The scholarship was a life-changer, for me.
She got mad that I called the scholarship a life changer and demanded that I quit my sport so we could hang out more. We broke up about ninety seconds after that comment.
Image credits: WatchTheBoom
#14
I was going into anaphylactic shock at a restaurant due to unknown allergy. My throat was closing and I had no neck due to swelling. He asked if I wanted to go outside to get some air. WE WERE SITTING ON THE PATIO.
Image credits: hoesinchokers
#15
My husband would probably say the first time was when he asked me the time and I said “time to get a sundial” and he said “it’s night time…” and I said “so shine a flashlight on it…”.
Image credits: bubble-tea-mouse
#16
“Wait the Romans are from Rome?”.
Image credits: jrubs38
#17
I mentioned that I loved stargazing on camping trips because it would actually get dark enough to see the Milky Way. Apparently I was lying to him, as it’s impossible to see the Milky Way since we’re in it.
Same dude also refused to believe that huckleberries existed. Again this came up when I was talking about picking and eating huckleberries on a hike. He had to interrupt me to tell me I was wrong because huckleberries were made up.
Everyone says dumb things sometimes. What was remarkable was how confidently he went out of his way to convince me I was wrong, wrongly. And then got upset at me for bickering when I didn’t immediately agree that something I’d been looking at (or eating) for most of my life was in my imagination. .
Image credits: Sedixodap
#18
I opened a drawer in my bathroom and noticed a bunch of q-tips scattered all over my hairbrush, towels etc.
When I asked him about it, he said he dumped all my q-tips out and threw away the box they came in to help me “save space” in the drawer….
Image credits: wutsligma
#19
Asked me to use smaller words (the word I used? “demographic”).
Image credits: msslagathor
#20
Dude I was dating turned out to be the worst kind of know-it-all because his 'facts' were mostly wrong. He told me not to tell him that because he doesn't like it, it's been done before and it's not true. I hadn't encountered an incident of it yet so I memorized that, but didn't think about it much even if i thought it was weird to tell me that.
fast forward a few days we were sitting at dinner at a restaurant talking about whatever when peripherally something about human organs floats by and that the PH of the stomach is about 3.
He looks at me with a smile of deep condescension and says: "The PH of the stomach is 10."
He said that so final and with such an air of superiority that I stopped mid-sentence. You don't wanna be rude back and mistakes happen anyway so I tried to tell him politely that he might have a false memory there or a teacher in his past might have mixed something up. I just didn't want to embarass him more than he already did himself in public, but he was committed to this.
"[My name], I know the PH of the stomach is 10. You're wrong."
I told him to please look it up, because I'm a biologist and I'm confident enough in my education.
He did and he was wrong.
There were a couple similar incidents after this one. Hilariously when we broke up one of his gripes was "I believe you think I'm stupid!"
In reality it was that and the fact he was not only wrong, but malicious and utterly confident in both.
Image credits: Nyardyn
#21
I was dating a guy and we worked together but we’re on opposing shifts. I come in for turnover and he lets me know that he can’t get into the computer in the office and the password on the sticky note was not working. Sticky note very straight forward written like
Login: xyz
Password: xyz
Thought huh, that’s weird because I literally used it the night before. Get to the computer, punch in the password and boom, I’m logged in.
I asked him what he was putting in and he goes “password:xyz like it says on the sticky note”
“Darling….the password is xyz…not password:xyz”
Not his brightest moment. And the kicker is he did this for several days and thought it was an issue everyone was having.
Image credits: katiedondo
#22
I was in the passenger seat of my ex girlfriend’s car (we were 22 at the time) and whilst driving I opened the glove compartment to store something. She turned and screamed “WHAT THE F**K ARE YOU DOING?”. Confused I asked what’s going on?
Apparently as a kid she used to play with the glove compartment all the time so her parents told her that opening the glove compartment on a moving car would damage the engine… she was 22 and still believed this.
Image credits: Airjack
#23
For me, the last girl I went on a date with blindly crossed a busy a*s street in front and cars in both directions had to slam on their brakes to avoid her. I waited and crossed when there was no one coming. When I finally got up to her I asked wtf was that?? And she said “pedestrians have the right of way” ?.
Image credits: post-nutclarence
#24
He insisted that Spain was in South America because they spoke Spanish.
Image credits: Banana42
#25
When she said she thought we could drive to Hawaii because she said it looked close on a map. She also asked how fish breathe under the ice.
She was very pretty .
Image credits: Zestyclose-Quote-376
#26
I was “dating” this girl in the early 2000s. There was an upcoming federal election. She was reading the names on the campaign signs on people’s lawns and said “wow. Noones voting for Bush” …. We live in Canada.
#27
I wasn’t fully dating this guy, but at sonic:
“Hi can I have a slushie?”
Worker: sure! What flavor?
“You know… a slushie!”
Worker: yes, but what flavor for you want?
“I just want a slushie. Like a regular slushie!”
Worker: okay but… sure, a regular slushie.
Order is brought out, he takes a drink and goes, “I think this is just ice. It has no flavor?”
I thought it was so funny that they gave him a plain slushie instead of just defaulting to like cherry or something. I could’ve helped explain to him while he was ordering, but I was too stunned to speak.
#28
When he defended slavery by saying people who run up high medical bills should have to work them off by cleaning and landscaping areas at the hospital. He was serious and also 30 years old at the time he made that statement.
#29
Didn't date this guy. I worked with him. He was somehow a master electrician. He would say "be pacific when you talk." We told him the word was specific. He said no, "it's pacific because of the ocean." We showed him online the definition of specific, and he legit said,"anyone can fake an internet article. " it was on Wikipedia......
He also had a fiancée who ended up in the hospital for months, and he never once visited her. When I (a woman) asked him why not, he said, "She was on d***s and would never know I was there anyway." This woman wasn't in a coma. She had had a huge tumor removed and complications after, and yeah, she was on lots of meds, but she was awake most of the time.
Dude couldn't figure out why she broke the engagement the minute she left the hospital.
#30
"Theres no way the earth spins once a day. If it spun the fast we would all fly off".
Image credits: Pay_attentionmore
#31
Only after a year and a half of dating did he reveal to me that the world is flat, we live in a dome, the sky is a projection and all the horizon-related experiments to confirm earth's roundness is logically flawed.
He knows me and my dad have fancy telescopes and do astrophotography and stargaze together on a literal observatory on our roof.
F*****g wasted my time.
Image credits: bunbun_pss
#32
Not exactly dating but regular sex. We were talking after once, and she told me she determined I had no STDs because "you looked clean." Don't have any but damn it just makes me wonder if she ever found out the wrong way.
#33
Not a girlfriend but a family member. We lived in Alaska and she and her husband, who lived in the lower 48, were talking about coming to visit us. She talked about driving and was excited to drive on the bridge. We asked, "what bridge?" "The one that goes from Washington state to Anchorage!" she replied. We told her that that did not exist. She'd have to fly. She was surprised to learn that there wasn't a bridge, but excused it by saying, "Well, I'm just not good with geometry." (She meant geography.).
#34
Having to listen to her unashamedly tell me Jesus wasn't Jewish and was in fact raised catholic.
#35
He asked why I always made sure to use the bathroom after sex, since I'm prone to UTIs, which is fine enough, but when I told him, backed up by advice from both my regular doctor and gyno, he argued with me about it! And continued picking fights about it for almost a week until he googled it and looked at like 3 separate web articles before he finally begrudgingly accepted peeing after helps lessen the chance of getting one.
I still have no idea what his issue with it was.
#36
He was shocked to learn that he wouldn't be able to pick up our car rental that was under my name using my credit card because, "They always let me pick it up using my dad's card when we were on family vacations!" ....I had to explain to him that he and his dad have the same first and last name..
#37
My ex once asked me: who were the bad guys and who were the good guys in WW2?
#38
I was in my 20s, I was dating a guy who knew I was from California. He made a comment about the Golden Gate Bridge and said “I bet the Golden Gate Bridge must have cost a fortune to build with all of that gold!”. He was cute but it didn’t last long.
#39
Him: we should do a vacation soon
Me: absolutely, and I think we should do something big, like out of the country
Him: sounds good, what were you thinking?
Me: not really sure but I don't want to do the typical South America trips. I'd like to branch out and do something really cool that not a lot of people our age are doing.
Him: ok, so any specific places in mind?
Me: I actually just saw a deal on a travel site for a safari trip in Tanzania
Him: but you just said you don't want to go to South America?
Me: yeah.... Exactly, it's in Africa.
Him: OKKKKK, but you LITERALLY just said you didn't want to go to South America, sooooo..... Why are you recommending that?????
Happened nearly 10 years ago but that was pretty much word-for-word out conversation.
He was 24, with a college degree. I don't remember the exact conversation that took place after this exchange but he apparently thought that the continent of Africa was a country(?) in South America. Stayed with him for another ~6 months or so and there were sooooooo many moments of pure, unadulterated stupidity. The breaking point was him putting ketchup and Kraft singles on my homemade Pad Thai. I was dating a 24 year old man with the mind of a 7 year old.
#40
We were at a buffet and he was eating popcorn shrimp and said, “mm, these pork chops are good.” Obviously I was confused; apparently the popcorn shrimp was mislabeled and he didn’t know what popcorn shrimp or pork chops were?
#41
She encountered a deaf person at her job that day and kept saying “death person” I gently corrected her and ww3 broke out.
Image credits: BartSimps
#42
"pseudoscience is still science".
#43
I had an ex literally call me to ask me how to make pasta....... From a box, and then asked what equipment he needed to do it. He was 35.
I was also the idiot for dating him.
#44
She revealed her skepticism about the existence of dinosaurs.
#45
Her dating me was my first clue.
#46
“Do we live in North or South America?”.
#47
Partner once said the earth is getting lighter because we mine materials out of the ground.
Image credits: CounterfeitAIDs
#48
It was a clear sunny day and we were lying at the beach trying to get a tan. The UV level was not too high so after an hour she decided that, in order to speed up our tan, we HAD to move way further down the beach to get closer to the sun as that was the direction the sun was in.
#49
It became obvious that she had a poor sense of direction and I asked her which way she thought was north. She pointed up.
Image credits: vodiak
#50
At Home Depot. Some sort of chair was $25 for one, $40 for two. She said, “oh it’s a deal if you get one!”….
#51
"When's the Fourth of July? June?"
The guy had abused me for years starting when I was 14. And yet some days his idiocy makes me equally as angry.
#52
I had to explain that a ton is, in fact, an actual unit of measurement. He was mid twenties at the time.
#53
We landed in Amsterdam and were planning what we want to do
Me: I'd really like to go to Anne Frank house
Him: I didn't know you had friends in Amsterdam
Me:???
Him: Who's Anne Frank?
#54
He was putting chicken directly on the racks in his oven to cook, despite juices dripping down and smoking/burning.
#55
She, literally, stuck her finger in a light socket as I was telling her not to. Got a nice laugh out of that!
#56
My ex-wife wanted to know when I would pay her back for paying the bills when I was on short term disability with an injury.
My salary had been covering the bills the last 3 years, and the money she earned was used for ???.
I thought it was a request that didn’t require an explanation, for us to not dip into savings when the disposable income was already there.
Needless to say, she has a shopping addiction now.
#57
Welp, I married him and then we moved out of state. On the drive to our new place, we stopped at a gas station that sold lottery tickets (they weren’t a thing in our home state at the time). He came running out of the gas station waving his ticket saying he won $5. I asked him how much money he spent to win $5. He proudly told me $20. ?
We were divorced within a few years.
#58
She thought that cars* used gas to move, so if you left a car idling it would never run out of gas.
I asked her if you could let a car idle for five years without running out of gas, and she thought about it for a minute and said 'Yes'.
#59
She grew grapes and when they had seeds she was like wtf I didn't know grapes had seeds. And I'm like uhhh what? And then she's like ya grapes don't have seeds. And I went to the fridge. Pulled out a bag that said seedless grapes on it. And I said. "Why do you think they need to distinguish that these are seedless?" She said she thought that was a fancy name for the species of grape. ....
She has a masters degree.
#60
She got the cops called on her, and a misdemeanor charge for spraying pepper spray on the front door of an instacart customer because they reduced her tip ?♂️
Edit: it's on all you for liking this so much if she finds it and freaks out. Fr, thanks for the likes. As a new reddit member I feel seen and only marginally judged ?.
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