One, sometimes unnoticed difficulty in putting together a wedding is the need to balance out multiple groups, from friends, to family and acquaintances. This can, at times, lead to unexpected conflicts at the worst possible time and place.
A bride was shocked to hear that one of her bridesmaids seemed to be casually racist towards a bridesmaid from Africa, culminating in the racist being kicked out. She then had some doubts, so she turned to the internet for advice. We reached out to the bride via private message and will update the story when she gets back to us.
Finding out one of your friends is a racist is, at the very least, a bit shocking
Image credits: nappy (not the actual photo)
A bride was forced to “fire” a bridesmaid after she wouldn’t stop asking weird comments to a person from Africa
Image source: aitabridesmaiddrama
Image credits: Wayne Fotografias (not the actual photo)
Jane had opportunities to back down and see the error of her ways
Image credits: Polina Zimmerman (not the actual photo)
While on the surface, this looks like a wedding story, the only reason the bride felt the need to turn to the internet was the fact that this all occurred at a destination wedding. After all, if a friend is racist towards your other friend in really any other situation, one, hopefully, wouldn’t even think twice about cutting ties on the spot. Destination weddings are not the easiest cost or logistics wise, as it’s basically a vacation for the guests, but everyone has their limits.
However, this wasn’t some minor drama, all things considered, it was pure and unadulterated racism, even if Jane didn’t see it that way. It’s also important to note that Jane’s response to being told her actions were racist was to immediately get defensive. Humans are not perfect, we will make mistakes, but what sets us apart is the ability to learn. All in all, the bride is not wrong to ditch someone with these sorts of beliefs. They can reconnect in the future if Jane finally understands the error of her ways.
Instead of apologizing and perhaps rethinking her behavior, she simply told the bride that she was wrong and overreacting. Similarly, while it is possible to be racist by accident or to simply speak without thinking, Jane using the “n word” and then defending it is a red flag so large, the folks on the ISS might be able to spot it.
The bride was right to cut ties and move on
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
Similarly, one has to consider how Nya may have been feeling. Imagine staying with a friend (a destination wedding isn’t just a one-day affair, after all) and this new person starts asking you ridiculous and semi-insulting questions. On top of that, they use a slur in a casual story and then try to play it off. It’s not perhaps the worst or weirdest thing a “friend” has done and considered normal, but it’s absolutely up there, as it raises questions about what else remains unsaid?
If the bride had chosen to do nothing, it’s not hard to imagine Nya deciding that cutting ties would be the best option in the long run. The bride basically had to choose between these two people, so, all in all, not siding with the racist was a pretty easy option, all things considered. Indeed, this didn’t even seem to be a possibility for the bride, as she immediately clocked Jane being weird.
All in all, Jane should already be thankful that she was invited and given such a position of “honor” as a bridesmaid. There are countless stories online of unequal levels of friendship that culminate with someone feeling snubbed at a wedding. As most commenters suggested, (some of which can be read below) she really shouldn’t feel too bad about the situation. No doubt, it cost Jane a bit of money, but in the long run, allowing her to stick around would have ruined at least one friendship and who knows what else she would have done at the wedding proper?
Some folks asked their own questions
Most sided with the bride
Later, the bride shared an update
English (US) ·