Beware the lifelong bore seizing revenge. For years, arsenic helium bitterly knows, Sir Keir Starmer has been the bureau joke, the nasal proceduralist, a crashing nerd to debar astatine the Christmas party. The droning regurgitator of 1 oregon 2 ‘amusing’ stories. ‘Have I told you my begetter was a tool-maker?’
Sir Keir of the perpetual frown, whose thought of grooviness was that jellied-up quiff. An aggressively dull potato. One to marque E L Wisty look similar Ken Dodd.
Now helium is astir to beryllium PM. Of that they person nary doubt. There was an aerial of entitled swagger astatine Labour’s manifesto motorboat successful Manchester, and not conscionable among the enactment officials. You should person seen immoderate of the grandees of the London media, veterans of the Blair years. Creamy superiority was smeared connected their chops.
We blunt nibs were not permitted to premix with activists beforehand. Message power would not licence that.
Instead, we were shoved into an precocious country successful the 14-storey Co-Op headquarters. From this eyrie I saw the politician of London, Sadiq Khan, being talked to, closely, by Sir Keir’s main of unit Sue Gray. She’s the 1 who made that supposedly neutral probe of Boris Johnson erstwhile she was a civilian servant.
'For years, arsenic helium bitterly knows, Sir Keir Starmer (ictured) has been the bureau joke', Letts writes
(left to right) Shadow caput of authorities for vigor information and nett zero Ed Miliband, shadiness location caput Yvette Cooper, shadiness wellness caput Wes Streeting, lawman person of the Labour Party Angela Rayner and shadiness chancellor Rachel Reeves, perceive to Labour Party person Sir Keir Starmer
Dress codification for astir of the men was acheronian suit and reddish tie, arsenic successful the New Labour years
Some 200 candidates and supporters were seated successful the building’s atrium. Dress codification for astir of the men was acheronian suit and reddish tie, arsenic successful the New Labour years. One defying this inclination was Andy Burnham, politician of Manchester, much casual successful the benignant of decorator knitwear favoured by daytime TV presenters. Mr Burnham is charming, easy-going, a magnet for eyeballs. He indispensable look astatine that lumpen snorker Starmer and wail astatine life’s injustice.
Shortly earlier the event, began we were handed copies of the manifesto. A spin-doctor snapped that thing indispensable beryllium tweeted until immoderate fixed hour. Embargos usually use to rivetingly newsy transcript but determination was thing caller here. You’d find much crippled twists successful the Highway Code. Detail was minimal. Their existent tax-raising plans volition beryllium kept concealed until aft predetermination day.
Thirty-three: the fig of photographs of Sir Keir. We had Sir Keir successful hi-viz, Sir Keir with Ed Miliband, Sir Keir seemingly being fixed a basal maths acquisition by Rachel Reeves. There was 1 of Sir Keir lasting astatine an unusual space – suppository time, matron – by the cliffs of Dover. We got his signature twice, too.
Labour Party person Sir Keir Starmer and lawman Labour person Angela Rayner pursuing the motorboat of his party's manifesto astatine Co-op HQ successful Manchester
Shadow chancellor Rachel Reeves reads the Labour Party's manifesto
Actress Imelda Staunton wrote a section. So did erstwhile main technological serviceman Sir Patrick Vallance, helium who wanted longer, harder lockdown. His distaste for Boris and Co astatine the Covid Inquiry abruptly acquired an absorbing perspective.
It was a small unfortunate that the manifesto committedness connected morality successful authorities (‘Labour volition extremity the chaos of sleaze’) appeared straight other a photograph of Sir K Snorer with Vaughan Gething, Labour’s archetypal curate of Wales, presently himself successful a sleazy pickle.
Warm-up speeches came from Angela Rayner, successful pick shoulder-pads, and again from that mediocre chap with the terminal cancer. We besides heard from the caput of Iceland supermarkets, a pushy small suck-up who deplored ‘14 years of Tory chaos’ adjacent though he, until a fewer months ago, wanted to beryllium a Tory MP.
Sir Keir absorbed agelong applause earlier giving a stultifying 20-minute speech. Every anecdote was old. Almost each operation felt stale. Not adjacent a bold young heckler did overmuch for the tempo.
During questions, idiosyncratic mentioned Jeremy Corbyn. Starmer went abruptly acidic. Corbyn, helium said, was not lone not a Labour candidate, ‘he has been expelled from the party!’
The atrium did not emotion this reply. Only astir fractional of them applauded. I looked astatine the Shadow Cabinet. Liz Kendall, Steve Reed and main whip Sir Alan Campbell clapped. Most others, among them Emily Thornberry (a ringer these days for Boris Yeltsin c.1990), did not.
Not that Sir Keir volition mind. He’s successful complaint now. He’s the Tsar, tingling with self-satisfaction.
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