People with kids tend to need some help now and then. After all, children need to be looked after constantly, but most adults still want to have their own life. Normally, this is where you’d get a babysitter or perhaps ask for help from family. Emphasis on the “asking” part.
A netizen shared their saga with a cousin who kept trying to get free babysitting by simply leaving her kids with them without giving any warning or even a heads up. Then they did again. As it turns out, this cousin was sure that at some point her relatives would just give in and babysit instead of calling the authorities. We reached out to the netizen who posted the story via private message and will update the article when they get back to us.
Helping family with babysitting is normal enough
Image credits: Peter Hansen / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
But dumping kids on some relatives porch without warning is unhinged
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Image credits: Mizuno K / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Fxlearner
Setting boundaries with family is important
Dealing with relatives who expect free babysitting can feel like walking a minefield of duty, guilt, and, in this story, unstated assumptions. It often starts innocently enough, a parent asks for an eleventh-hour adjustment, an aunt assumes you are home on weekends, or a grandparent casually asks “Could you watch the kids for a couple hours? Next thing you know, your calendar’s packed with babysitting dates you never agreed to.
So what should someone do if they feel they are about to be pushed into looking after kids? Firstly, identify the pattern: take note when requests begin to feel more like the rare request and increasingly like an assumed entitlement. When you see that family members may be bullying you into babysitting, take a step back and examine your own priorities and boundaries. Consider your schedule, your energy, your money, and your boundaries.”. If every weekend is spent watching nieces or nephews, you may risk losing time for relaxation, social interaction, or even getting paid work.
Knowing that your resources and time are limited enables you to resist the temptation to automatically agree out of guilt or fear of upsetting relatives. Then, rehearse stating your boundaries assertively and calmly. Rather than deflecting with ambiguous excuses, rehearse a clear “I” statement: e.g., “I’m not available to babysit on a regular basis because I need that time for work/health/self-care.” Stating it in the form of something you are responsible for taking care of your own needs, as opposed to blaming them, discourages defensiveness. It is acceptable to express gratitude for trust in your caretaking abilities while stating firmly that you cannot fill open-ended or regular requests. Family relationships can complicate matters, some relatives may respond with guilt tripping, like the aunt. Repeating your limit calmly conveys that you are serious.
Some people can’t really be reasoned with
Image credits: EyeEm / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Of course, it’s fairly clear that this cousin probably expected this sort of response, which is why she resorted to abandoning her children on a porch. It would appear that she banked on the fact that, surely, her family wouldn’t call the cops, which goes to show that delusion and entitlement can, very easily, override common sense. There is a link between narcissism and deeply entitled behavior, although we do not really have enough information to diagnose the cousin.
Sometimes a united front helps shift the family expectation away from automatically leaning on you. Consider long-term solutions. If you have siblings or cousins of similar availability, discuss dividing up childcare duties with them. Inform parents to plan in advance by exploring daycare, babysitting services, or neighborhood resources. If family events always rely on your providing free childcare, volunteer to rotate hosting locations so childcare duties are divided up or outsourced. In the long term, these practical adjustments remove the burden from any one individual and provide a more balanced appreciation for everyone’s time and boundaries. Ultimately, it is a question of balancing empathy and respect for yourself in dealing with family members who try to bully you into unpaid babysitting.
By observing the pattern, establishing your own needs, holding firm in establishing boundaries, offering alternatives, and seeking larger solutions, you protect your time without losing relatives. It may be uncomfortable at first, but requiring that your time is valuable creates a better dynamic for the relationship and lets you help your family without having to do so at the cost of your health. However, this story doesn’t end with the cruise, as it turns out, this cousin was perfectly willing to just keep trying, as the netizen detailed in their update, which can be found below.
The netizen gave a few more details in the comments
They also responded to some readers
Commenters gave their suggestions
They shared the first of multiple updates
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Image credits: stockking / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Fxlearner
They also chatted with some readers
As it turns out, the story doesn’t end there
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Image credits: Lee Ann Jackson / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Fxlearner
Readers urged them to get the authorities involved
They shared one last update
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: EyeEm / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Fxlearner
People extended their sympathies towards the kids in this story
English (US) ·