Deciding whether or not to start a family is not a choice that should be taken lightly. Being a parent is not for everyone, and choosing to prioritize your career, your partner and your pets over having kids of your own is a perfectly valid choice. And if you decide that you actually want to have more kids than you originally thought, well, you can always change your mind.
Below, you’ll find a story that a father recently posted on Reddit detailing the hot water he found himself in after deciding to have a child with his new wife without informing his ex. Keep reading to find all of the details, as well as some of the replies invested readers shared.
This man decided to have his vasectomy reversed to start a family with his new wife
Image credits: Amina Filkins / pexels (not the actual photo)
But his ex was offended that she didn’t find out about this change before her kids
Image credits: Alex Green / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: mybodyaita
It’s common for divorced parents to remarry and have more children
Families are complicated. Contrary to what television shows and movies might lead you to believe, the typical family with two loving parents and a few kids is not what the majority of people grow up with nowadays. About half of first marriages end in divorce, and according to the U.S. Census Bureau, 1,300 new stepfamilies form every single day.
A whopping three quarters of divorced individuals end up getting remarried, and half of the 50 million kids in the United States under the age of 13 live with one of their parents and their parent’s current partner. There are thousands of different ways to be a family, and as painful as it may be for divorced parents to admit, there’s always a chance that their ex-spouse will start a new family with their new partner.
NBC News reports that over 40% of American adults have at least one step-relative, and a third of Americans have a step sibling or half-sibling. While it can be understandably difficult for the ex-wife in this story to understand how her husband suddenly wants to have another child, it is quite common, and she is no longer entitled to be informed of any medical procedures he has.
The vast majority of vasectomies can be successfully reversed
A vasectomy is a great choice for any men who have decided that they don’t want to have any or any more children. The procedure is low risk, only requires a few days for recovery and allows men to have peace of mind knowing that they won’t have to deal with the stress of an unplanned pregnancy.
And although most men go through the procedure assuming that it will be permanent, it is usually possible to have it reversed. According to Stanford Medicine, up to 6% of men who have had vasectomies later change their minds and end up having the procedure reversed. It may not work in every single case, but the success rate of these reversals is between 90-95%. In fact, some men who have had vasectomies decades prior have still managed to get them successfully reversed.
When it comes to recovering from having a vasectomy reversed, Stanford Medicine notes that it’s recommended for patients to spend a few days resting and icing the affected area. They might also need to take pain medication for several days, but if they work an office job, they can likely return to work after only 3 days.
In this particular case, however, the issue seems to be more about the Jen’s trouble accepting that her ex-husband will be starting a new family than the fact that he had his vasectomy reversed. Going through divorce is one thing, but seeing your ex-partner move forward with a new stage in their life can be difficult to watch, even if you’re over the relationship.
Moms and dads should be careful to keep the kids out of their conflicts when co-parenting
When it comes to having a healthy blended family, HelpGuide recommends being respectful and civil towards everyone involved. It’s best to be compassionate towards all parties and allow family members room for growth. It might not be easy for everyone to accept the new arrangement immediately, whether your kids or your ex-wife starts throwing a fit. Understand that it might take time to adjust.
Children feel more secure and are mentally and emotionally healthier when their parents have a good relationship, even if they’re divorced, so it’s best to find a way to co-parent without creating conflicts. And one way HelpGuide suggests parents do that is to avoid ever putting their kids in the middle.
Don’t make them pick a side, and don’t inform them of issues that they don’t need to know about. Kids should be allowed to just be kids without having to worry about what’s going on between Mom and Dad.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this father did anything wrong by keeping this information from his ex-wife? Feel free to share, and then if you’d like to read another Bored Panda piece discussing vasectomy drama, look no further than right here!
Many readers took the dad’s side and noted that his ex-wife was being unreasonable
However, some thought the dad should have had a conversation with his ex-wife first
English (US) ·