Frozen in time: My visit to the haunting abandoned kibbutz where one of my family was butchered by Hamas on October 7 - in front of her children - along with 63 other victims, writes HILARY FREEMAN

The acrid odor of fume inactive permeates the aerial astatine the kibbutz colony of Kfar Aza where, 9 months ago, 64 radical were brutally murdered and 19 kidnapped by Hamas terrorists during their deadly battle connected Israel. It is simply a spot frozen successful time.

Until that unspeakable day, the kibbutz, which was established successful 1951 — making it astir arsenic aged arsenic the State of Israel itself — was location to 760 people.

Now it’s abandoned, surviving residents dispersed to cramped hotels successful Tel Aviv, and houses — those not burned into mangled wreckage — boarded up.

It’s excessively traumatic for radical to unrecorded here, and excessively unsafe, truthful adjacent to the Gaza borderline (just a fewer kilometres crossed a field) that erstwhile I locomotion to its information obstruction I tin spot the Palestinian municipality of Jabalia with my bare eye, and perceive the occasional booms of artillery shells.

But the birds and the butterflies don’t look to person got the memo, and arsenic I basal connected the colony green, nether the shadiness of pomegranate trees, I get a glimpse of what an idyllic spot this utilized to be.

Children’s bicycles thin wherever they were near connected the evening of October 6, and angiosperm pots decorate beforehand lawns, which, with cipher to thin to them, are present parched aureate by the sun.

For me, Kfar Aza is wherever the governmental and the idiosyncratic collide. I person come present not conscionable arsenic a journalist, oregon arsenic a British Jew, but to witnesser a devastating section successful my ain family’s history.

In total, Hamas gunmen killed astir 1,200 radical connected October 7, the deadliest onslaught successful Israel’s history, and 1 of them was a overmuch loved subordinate of my ain family.

Until the massacre, my mother’s archetypal cousin, Gitit Ben David had lived astatine the Kfar Aza kibbutz for implicit 50 years with her husband, Amnon, a legendary navigator successful the community. My parents had adjacent visited 1 summertime holiday.

For 2 agelong days, we had nary thought whether they were alive, abducted oregon dead. I needed to travel to spot the aftermath for myself.

October 7 was a Jewish holiday, and Gitit and Amnon’s son, Zafrir, 45 had brought his woman Maya, 48, and their 2 children, aged 7 and nine, to enactment for the weekend.

At astir 6am, they awoke to the dependable of alarms signalling rockets, past gunfire. Around 100 terrorists had breached done the obstruction connected trucks and motorbikes, oregon paraglided their mode inside.

Those who could fled to their harmless rooms, exchanging frantic WhatsApp messages. But the rooms were built to withstand bombs, not to support retired terrorists, and their doors didn’t lock.

Zafrir, a teacher astatine a peculiar acquisition school, is simply a backstage man, who has ne'er earlier spoken publically astir what happened to his family.

We are 2nd cousins and, though I met his parents arsenic a child, and we knew of each other’s existence, we had ne'er met before. He agrees to speech to me, from his location successful Kfar Hayim, a tiny colony successful cardinal Israel.

‘In our case, astir 5 terrorists broke into the house, chanting spiritual slogans,’ helium recalls. ‘Two of them tried to unfastened the doorway of the structure and struggled with america to interruption in. When they failed to bash so, they changeable from the extracurricular in.

‘One slug penetrated done the doorway and deed my wife, Maya, and killed her.’

For the adjacent 34 hours, the household remained trapped wrong the room, arsenic Zafrir held the doorway closed, incapable adjacent to comfortableness his children, who were crouched successful terror, their mother’s assemblage lying adjacent to them.

‘The IDF did not scope america until the extremity of the adjacent afternoon,’ helium says.

Now, Zafrir not lone has to attraction for his young children, but besides effort — someway — to assistance them woody with the trauma they suffered.

‘I marque an effort to support them engaged each day, truthful that by the extremity of the time they’re exhausted,’ helium says.

‘They person some the acquisition of the nonaccomplishment of their parent and the fearfulness they person to header with. They are having attraction and I anticipation to springiness them a harmless and bully future.’

But Zafrir is nary longer receiving counselling. ‘I gave up connected that,’ helium explains. ‘I felt similar it was weighing maine down alternatively of making it easier.’

As for Gitit and Amnon, they are elderly, and excessively traumatised to talk to me.

‘Beyond the tremendous nonaccomplishment that happened successful their ain home, and the nonaccomplishment of the assemblage wherever they lived for decades, their life’s enactment disappeared wrong a fewer hours of terror,’ says Zafrir. ‘They are presently successful a edifice successful Tel Aviv, and there’s inactive nary people day for their return, if any.’

He shows maine a photograph of Maya. ‘She was beautiful,’ I archer him, and helium agrees. What was she like, I ask.

‘Maya ever loved quality and the sea,’ helium remembers. ‘She was cheerful and humorous, a household woman, and beloved by galore who saw her arsenic a adjacent friend.

‘She studied law, but chose to enactment successful peculiar education. After the commencement of our archetypal son, she sought a caller absorption that would bring her renewed fulfilment. She discovered the moringa works [a affluent root of vitamins and minerals] and its healing properties. It became her life’s work.’

So galore of those who died astatine Kfar Aza were, similar Maya, nature-lovers and bid activists. Some of them worked with Palestinians and saw them arsenic friends.

Survivor Batia Holin, 71, who shows maine astir the kibbutz, is simply a lensman who collaborated with a Gazan lensman connected a associated accumulation successful February 2023. On October 7, she learned that helium had betrayed her, not lone utilizing her photos to assistance the terrorists program their attack, but besides participating himself.

That morning, astatine 10am, the battle already successful motion, helium called her.

‘He asked maine astir the IDF’s movements, however galore were there, which units they were in. He told maine helium was astatine Kfar Aza, and I understood helium had travel to termination me.’ She stayed barricaded successful her harmless country for 26 hours earlier being rescued, watching the carnage extracurricular via her camera successful her car that was connected to her phone.

As we are talking, a fighter-plane roars overhead, a reminder of the warfare that is being waged conscionable a fewer kilometres away, and I flinch.

‘Don’t worry,’ Batia says. ‘It’s friendly. If it weren’t determination would person been a siren.’

This is tiny comfort. I person already been warned that if a siren sounds, the lone enactment is to prevarication level connected the crushed and pray.

Batia has known my household for fractional a century, and agrees to amusement maine their home.

Unlike galore neighbouring houses, which are present burned-out shells with surviving walls pockmarked by slug holes, my cousin’s location stands intact, a motion speechmaking ‘Gitit and Amnon Ben David’ inactive displayed connected a rod outside.

Only its beforehand partition belies the panic that occurred within. It is daubed successful symbols painted by the IDF to amusement that idiosyncratic died here, that quality remains were inside.

Although I cannot enter, I intermission to contemplate what it indispensable person been similar for my family, and for the others astatine Kfar Aza, that morning, arsenic their cherished homes became scenes of horror.

Whole families were tortured and murdered, including babies. It isn’t astatine each hard to imagine; I tin consciousness it, viscerally.

For me, arsenic for truthful galore different Jews astir the world, October 7 re-awakened thing heavy wrong us: centuries of persecution that person been wired into our DNA.

Every procreation of my household successful surviving memory, and beyond, has been the unfortunate of antisemitic violence.

Zafrir’s grandmother, Lene, and my grandmother, Tilde, were sisters who grew up successful Germany, their household wrenched isolated erstwhile Hitler came to powerfulness successful 1933.

Lene and 2 of her siblings escaped to British Mandatory Palestine, present Israel.

My grandma, the babe of the family, couldn’t get a visa to articulation her sisters and elder brother, but yet managed to find refuge successful the UK.

But their parents — my great-grandparents — Geni and Chaim, who had fled to Germany successful the 19th period to flight pogroms successful Poland — and my grandma’s eldest sister, Regina, who was already joined with a baby, Rachel — didn’t marque it out. They each perished successful the Holocaust.

The records amusement that Regina, her hubby and Rachel, who was lone five, were gassed connected accomplishment astatine Auschwitz. My mediate sanction is Rachel, successful her memory.

I americium precise gladsome that my grandma, who died successful 2016 astatine the property of 97, did not unrecorded to spot what happened to her household astatine Kfar Aza, successful the state wherever they should yet person been safe.

And I’m precise gladsome she did not unrecorded to spot the resurgence of antisemitism successful the UK, which gave her sanctuary.

Or how, each time connected societal media, I americium called a Nazi, a child-killer and a genocide supporter, simply due to the fact that I judge the authorities of Israel has a close to beryllium and support itself.

And she would outcry to cognize that the great-granddaughter she met soon earlier she died — my daughter, who is present 8 — has to contend with being singled retired astatine schoolhouse due to the fact that she is Jewish. ‘Do you enactment Israel?’ older boys taunt. ‘Israel is evil.’

From Kfar Aza, I question to the Nova festival tract astatine Re’im, 14km down the road. It is present that 364 radical — mostly youngsters — were murdered, with galore raped, and 40 abducted connected October 7. Many much were wounded.

Re’im has go a shrine to the victims, their photos planted crossed the godforsaken onshore similar memorial trees.

I stumble crossed Irene Nurith Cohn, 1 of lone 10 pistillate volunteers for Zaka, the spiritual organisation which painstakingly collected assemblage parts truthful victims could person due Jewish burials.

She describes combing done the particulate for specks of humor — the aforesaid particulate that present stains my shoes and trousers.

Then she takes retired her phone. ‘I person images of the torture and intersexual unit that happened present and astatine the kibbutzes,’ she tells me. ‘They are not published, but were shown arsenic grounds astatine the Criminal Court successful the Hague by the squad of the UN representative.

‘Would you similar to spot them?’ She pauses. ‘You don’t person to.’

The information is, I don’t privation to spot them, but I archer her I will. I consciousness it’s my work to carnivore witnesser due to the fact that truthful galore radical are present denying that these things ever happened.

We presumption the pictures together, until I’ve had enough: radical burned alive, raped with implements — things acold excessively distressing and graphic for a household newspaper. The cruelty, pain, degradation and mutilation inflicted connected these young radical — successful a mode that tin never, ever beryllium referred to arsenic ‘resistance’ — explains wherefore each Israeli I meet, immoderate their governmental persuasion, believes Hamas has to beryllium destroyed truthful it tin ne'er bash the aforesaid again.

When I inquire Irene however she copes with what she’s seen, her reply surprises me. She says it’s hard, but it’s the Jews extracurricular Israel she feels atrocious for. ‘We unrecorded successful Israel, we’re privileged,’ she says. ‘It’s precise hard to beryllium a Jew overseas with each the antisemitism. My sister lives successful Manhattan, and she’s hiding.’

A abbreviated thrust away, astatine Tkuma, there’s different memorial to Nova.

That day, hundreds of burnt and damaged cars were near scattered on Route 232, ambushed by Hamas arsenic festival-goers attempted to escape. Some vehicles were abandoned, their drivers killed oregon kidnapped, ne'er to return. Around 300 were acceptable connected fire, with their murdered occupants inactive inside.

‘We find ourselves, 78 years aft the Holocaust, collecting the ashes of Jews,’ says IDF spokesman, Adam Ittah.

These cars are present stacked unneurotic successful sculptural form. I announcement 1 car — inactive agleam bluish — which stands retired from the remainder of the rust-coloured metal. It brings to caput the small miss successful the reddish overgarment successful the Spielberg classical Schindler’s List, a flash of colour symbolising individuality, humanity.

Somebody erstwhile chose this bluish car due to the fact that they loved the colour. It’s also, of course, the colour of the Israeli flag.

The pursuing day, successful Tel Aviv, I spell to Hostages Square, wherever creation installations and banners item the plight of the 120 hostages (five from Kfar Aza) inactive held successful Gaza.

Nearby, I conscionable 4 of the hostage families, including that of red-headed babe Kfir Bibas, who — if helium is inactive alive, and his household volition not let themselves to deliberation different — has present spent much than fractional of his abbreviated beingness successful captivity.

I speech to Ayelet Svatitzky, 46, sister of British citizen, Nadav Popplewell, 52, primitively from Wakefield, West Yorkshire. He was kidnapped by Hamas from Kibbutz Nirim. Ayelet’s diabetic mother, Channah, 79, was besides taken hostage, but released connected November 24.

Ayelet’s different brother, Roi, 53, was murdered. Ayelet had to hide him unsocial and, connected the nighttime of Channah’s release, greet her with the quality that her eldest kid was dead.

Tragically, aft I instrumentality home, it is announced that Nadav has been murdered successful Hamas captivity.

Ayelet says: ‘My beingness froze connected October 7. All of america are connected our life’s ngo to prevention our loved ones.

‘Being a British citizen, I americium being progressive some present and successful the UK. The hardest happening is not being capable to spot an extremity to the nightmare. It’s inhumane.’

The week I americium successful Israel, pro-Palestinian protestors effort to disrupt a North London movie festival showing a documentary astir the Nova atrocity.

The aforesaid week, 3 countries — Ireland, Spain and Norway — recognise Palestine arsenic a state, and the International Criminal Court says it volition contented an apprehension warrant for Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu for alleged warfare crimes successful Gaza.

This quality is mostly met with incredulity successful Israel. While the satellite has moved connected from the Hamas massacres, Israel has not.

Until each the hostages are released, it can’t adjacent statesman to. Israel is simply a state wherever today, and each day, it is inactive October 7.