When the people who are supposed to always have your back betray you, your entire life can fall apart. Learning to let go of the anger and hate can be one of the most difficult things you’re asked to do. It can take years of dedicated therapy to finally move on. Sometimes, the past is best left in the past.
Redditor Fancy-Anywhere-4733 went viral after sharing the story of how his family threw him out on the streets with the ‘Two Hot Takes’ podcast community. Decades after this happened, they finally wanted to reconnect and apologize. Read on for the full story. Bored Panda has reached out to the author of the post, and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from him.
It can take years of therapy to reframe the traumatic experiences you had in your childhood
Image credits: djoronimo (not the actual photo)
One man opened up about how his loved ones threw him out when he was just a teenager
He started the story by sharing some context about his family
Everything took a dark turn when his stepbrother felt envious and decided to frame him
Image credits: prathanchorruangsak (Not the actual photo)
After three decades of silence, the man’s family tried to reconnect with him after the truth came out
Image credits: LinkedIn Sales Navigator (Not the actual photo)
Image credits: Fancy-Anywhere-4733
The author was unwilling to dredge up the past. He had already moved on with his life
Everything started because the OP’s stepbrother got envious and decided to set him up. The repercussions of that decision echoed through the decades. The author was left on the streets by his own family.
“Well, I lived on the streets for 2 years, doing what I had to in order to survive. No kid should have had to do what I had to do, in order to just live, just saying. There were some really dark days,” he wrote.
However, he adapted, survived, and later thrived. He got a stable job, found a loving wife, and has 4 daughters he’s proud of. His life has been a success.
He has moved on from what happened in his youth and doesn’t want to revisit the past. According to the author, therapy has been extremely helpful in unpacking and reframing his life experiences.
Some people feel very aggressive toward their siblings which can lead to profound problems down the line
While sibling rivalry is fairly common, it is very different from sibling aggression. Some siblings might feel resentful toward each other because they’re jealous, their parents treat them differently, or they have an axe to grind due to being mistreated earlier.
Rivalry is mainly all about competing for the parents’ attention and resources. Meanwhile, aggression between siblings has the goal of causing physical or emotional harm.
“Rivalry is about finding unique successes or developing personal qualities that make a person different from their sibling to capture parents’ attention. Too much rivalry can lead to aggressive behavior,” Corinna Jenkins Tucker, Ph.D., C.F.L.E., the director of the Sibling Aggression and Abuse Research and Advocacy Initiative, explained to Bored Panda during an earlier interview.
“Before that happens, parents can help with perspective-taking skills and using mediation techniques to help settle conflicts,” she said.
“When the behavior has an intent to harm, then a line is crossed. When the aggression becomes severe, one-sided, and part of a pattern, that is abuse. The harmed sibling may feel tormented,” Tucker told Bored Panda.
“Others (e.g., parents, other siblings) and professionals may need to help with recognition if the harmed sibling does not realize what is happening. In the case of abuse, outside professional help is needed, and reconciliation may not be possible,” she said.
Safety should always be your priority. When there is actual aggression or abuse going on, it can be safest for the victim to stop all contact with their sibling.
Even with a good therapist in your corner, it will take a lot of hard work to reframe your past experiences
There is no ‘requirement’ that someone has to ‘forgive and forget’ the people who wronged them. They might do so, but once they’ve moved past their anger and resentment, they’re not obligated to bring the people who hurt them back into their lives.
At the end of the day, whether or not to speak to your estranged family after so many years is a very personal decision. Some people hope to reconnect to make up for lost time, like their family members. Others have a great life and do not want to dredge up past trauma. There are no wrong answers here, only what you feel is right and healthy for you.
Finding a therapist who’s a good fit for you can take a while. Ideally, you may want a professional who specializes in the type of life experiences that befell you. Someone who knows what family trauma looks like and how it affects you may be a better fit than someone more generalized.
Therapists do not do the work for you. All the emotional heavy lifting is your responsibility, but the mental health experts help guide you through the entire process. You are supposed to feel challenged to a certain extent, as they reframe your experiences. Your therapist isn’t there to support your every single thought and feeling like a friend would.
However, if you fundamentally feel like your therapist isn’t a good fit for you, there’s no shame in seeking another specialist’s help. It’s very important that you feel a mutual sense of trust and comfort so you can fully open up.
The author shared some more context in the comments of his post
Image credits: Andrew Neel (Not the actual photo)
He later posted an important update to his story
Image credits: Fancy-Anywhere-4733
Image credits: Polina Zimmerman (not the actual photo)
He shared the letter that he received from his stepsister ‘Emily’
Then, he posted what he wrote back to her
Here’s what some internet users had to say after they read the entire story
English (US) ·