Ever had a heated online argument with a stranger, only to think of the perfect comeback three days later? Well, on the internet clock, a few days might as well be an eternity, and everyone’s already moved on.
But over on r/clevercomebacks, wasting time is unheard of. With over 2 million members, this subreddit is full of sharp retorts for any situation. At Bored Panda, we’re big fans. So we’ve rounded up the best comebacks they have to offer. Keep reading, you might just find the right response to silence that next awkward comment.
#1 Never Underestimate A Woman
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The feeling of disappointment when you don’t have a clever reply on the spot actually has a name—it’s called ‘l’esprit de l’escalier’, or ‘staircase wit’. This term was coined by the 18th century French philosopher Denis Diderot in his dramatic essay, Paradox of the Actor.
The phrase comes from an incident Diderot had over dinner. “A sensitive man, such as myself, overwhelmed by the argument leveled against him, becomes confused and doesn’t collect his thoughts until he’s at the bottom of the stairs,” the philosopher wrote.
#2 I Understand Completely
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There’s a reason why we sometimes freeze and struggle to respond when someone says something upsetting. Our body sees it as a social danger and goes into defense mode.
“When someone says something offensive or harmful that hurts us or hurts a member of a community that’s really important to us, our nervous system can get activated,” said psychologist Kerry McBroome for Time Magazine. “The parts of the brain that are responsible for coming up with clever or witty things to say are just not online—they’re nervous and sensing a threat.”
#3 “Migrants Can’t Assimilate Into Society”
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#4 People Really Live In Their Own Little Bubbles
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Of course, some folks are naturally good at throwing verbal punches and do so whenever they can. But if you need some pointers in that area, blogger and podcaster Myke Macapinlac has tips on how to be more quick-witted and funny.
According to him, one of the first things you should learn is how to stay present in the moment. “Catch yourself when you’re ruminating and remind yourself to slow down your breathing. By doing so, you’ll be able to relax your body and bring yourself back to your current situation,” he advises.
#5 Please Wear A Mask And Stay Safe
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#6 They Don't Give A Damn
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If you’re having a conversation, Myke suggests really focusing on what the other person is saying. “It’s much easier to come up with the right things to say when you’re actually listening,” he notes.
#7 Illegal Plants
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#8 I Don’t Care If Repost Made Me Laugh
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#9 Idk If This Has Been Posted Before, But I Love His Little Smile
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Another key tip is to stop caring so much. Macapinlac points out, “Most individuals who struggle socially think that all eyes are on them. They’re so afraid of being judged by others that’s why they stifle their personality. To avoid embarrassing themselves, they just remain quiet.”
“Even if you say something silly, I can assure you that people would’ve forgotten about you by the time they get home”. By letting go of this fear, you’ll be more relaxed, which will help you make clever remarks faster.
#10 Love This Guy
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#11 You're The Problem
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#12 Stealing The Rainbow
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Sometimes it’s good to prepare in advance. “Get a piece of paper and take the time to reflect. Think of previous situations where you wanted to say something clever but you weren’t able to. And then, brainstorm some good comebacks that you could’ve said,” the blogger recommends.
#13 Thank You Andy Wang!
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#14 Just Try Not Being Straight For Awhile
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#15 They Also Don't Come In Exciting Anime
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It’s also important to manage your emotions. When you’re calm and collected, you come across as more confident. Macapinlac encourages trying out meditation and journaling to be more mindful.
“[This] will allow you to control the way you think. You’ll be able to identify and reframe your limiting beliefs. This will help you become less reactive, especially during stressful moments”.
#16 British Museum
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#17 Separate Payments
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#18 Useless Trees
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Don’t forget to take inspiration from others. “What better way to improve your sense of humor than by watching more comedy shows and stand-up routines,” Myke says. “Pay close attention to [the comedian’s] material. Notice the timing and delivery of the joke. When something amuses you, ask yourself why by taking a moment to analyze it”.
#19 I Hate Anti-Maskers
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#20 He's Not Wrong
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#21 That Makes Sense
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However, if you’re around someone you want to build a lasting relationship with, be considerate and don’t say things that could ruin someone’s day. “If you want to learn how to be witty and funny, always leave people better than before you met them.”
#22 Philip Brought A Tank In A Knife Fight
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#23 Elite Finish
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#24 Another Reason To Love The Beatles
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Lastly, be patient with yourself and make an effort to get out of your comfort zone. “The more you practice, the better you’ll be at bantering with people,” Myke concludes.
#25 Not Mine But On Point
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#26 Big Footprints To Fill
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#27 Depression vs. Asthma
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So next time, we hope you have the confidence and quick wit to deliver that perfect comeback. Stay sharp!
#28 Comeback
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#29 Do You Have One?
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#30 Atheists, Christians And Cats
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#31 Old But Gold
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#32 True Perfection Has Been Achieved
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#33 Simple Math To Hard
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#34 Most Of Us Are Too
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#35 Whatever Your Weakness, There's A Hellion To Exploit It
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#36 Yep May Be It Is True
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#37 Got Roasted By A Police Twitter
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#38 That's A Good Proof
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#39 A Punchline From Twitter, Does This Count As A Meme?
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#40 Oof. That Burn Needs Some Love
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#41 German History Lesson
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#42 The Only Reasonable Response
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#43 Comeback
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#44 Comeback
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#45 Comeback
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#46 Comeback
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#47 Comeback
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#48 They Must Have Had A Religious Exemption
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#49 Keep Your Stick On The Ice
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#50 I Mean They've Got A Good Point
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#51 Why Don't You Stand Up For Yourself?
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#52 What A Good Reply
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#53 Both Magnus Carlsen And I Can Play Chess
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#54 Definitely Atheists That Do This
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#55 Just Another Reason To Keep My Purple Hair
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#56 Why Would They Need To Am I Rite?
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#57 Found It On Twitter. Hope I Am Not Too Late
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#58 The Greatest Genius Of Our Time
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#59 "Markets Unable To Adapt To New Generation Of Consumers"
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#60 Room Temperature IQ
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#61 I Hope This Hasn’t Been Done Before
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#62 Simple, Yet Effective
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#63 I Should Be Allowed To Pick The Oil Company I Die And Kill For!
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#64 Can Anyone Show Martha The Original Constitution ?
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#65 Common Sense Is Really Rare These Days
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#66 Whatttt !?? No Vegan Options At KFC!???
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#67 Damn... Guess My Opinion Is Invalid
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#68 She's Baaaad
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#69 Maybe I Am Karen?
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#70 Bill Burr Everybody
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#71 Look Before You Leap
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#72 When You Get Shot Down By Facts
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#73 That’s My Gender
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#74 Morning Coffee vs. Morning People
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#75 It Was Social Distancing Haha
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#76 Kid Has A Bright And Shocking Future In Front Of Him
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#77 Some Good Luck!
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#78 Who Orders Small Coffee Anyway?
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#79 Cry Me A River That Flows 5 M/S²
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#80 Education Is Vitally Important, After All
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#81 Other People’s Kids Is A Surprisingly Great Form Of Birth Control
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#82 So Easy To Say
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#83 They're With Him, Alright
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#84 Climate Change Is Not Real Guys!!!
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#85 Careful What You Say
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#86 Better Hope His House Doesn't Catch On Fire!
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#87 He Makes A Good Point
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#88 Bless This Woman
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#89 Not Be A Baby Machine
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#90 This Always Makes Me Laugh
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