"All happy families are alike," Leo Tolstoy wrote. "Each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." Picture-perfect families have parents who love their children unconditionally. Children who visit said parents regularly and do so because they want to. But not all families are perfect. A Cornell University survey revealed in 2020 that 6% of adults say they are estranged from their mothers, and 26% from their fathers.

Family estrangement is, sadly, quite common. But how does it happen? One Redditor was curious to know what made people cut contact with their parents. So they asked: "Those who disowned their parents, what was the final straw?" People had all sorts of stories to share. Some were heartbreaking, others eye-opening.

Bored Panda also got in touch with the person who asked this question. They were kind enough to have a short chat with us about what prompted them to ask other Redditors about their estrangement stories. Read our conversation below!

#1

My sibling died & in the days leading up to his funeral my mother was so exquisitely awful that I stopped fantasizing about harming her & began fantasizing about my life in prison after her m***er. At one point I was standing behind her at the top of a flight of stairs as she monologued about how everything was my fault. I could have pushed her but instead promised myself that after I made it through the funeral I’d never speak with her again. This year marks a decade since I last spoke with her & my only regret is not cutting her out of my life earlier.

Image credits: ellysay

The Redditor who posed this question says that it came from their own bad experiences with their family. They decided to limit contact with their parents recently, and that's why they came to find some comfort on Reddit. "There is infighting I feel I'm getting dragged into," the netizen opened up.

In our conversation, they recalled the most recent disagreement they had with their family. "[The] last time my family argued was when I did an interview for my [university magazine], and I just didn't want the drama anymore," the Redditor shared. According to them, the parents often favor their twin brother "who can do no wrong." That's why the Redditor feels like limiting contact is the best course of action for now

#2

She stole my student loan money. I worked so hard to get into college and have a full scholarship, and she stole my room and board and book money. It made the first year of college damn near impossible, which kinda set the tone for the next 3.

Image credits: am_riley

#3

I moved out when I was 16. Some of the things were for example I wasn't allowed in the house unless someone was home so I'd have to sit outside after school for 2-3 hours during Minnesota winters. Summer vacations were actually worse. We also lived 12 miles from the nearest town and was a very rural area. Only allowed to take 2 showers a week, 2 minutes long. Only allowed to eat diner because I was able to get free lunch from school.

These aren't even the big things or strangest things, just the day to day things. Like for example about once a week my father would make me pick up everything on the carpet. Lint, bits of grass, dog hair, etc. Wasn't allowed to use a vacuum, or anything, it had to be by hand. And if he saw anything anywhere I didn't get to eat. One chance, so he would just watch me while watching tv comb over every room looking for anything on the ground. This was also the only time I was allowed in the living room.

When I was 20 I decided I'm going to try having a relationship again at least with my mother and I went to stay with them for a few days. Again I wasn't allowed to be in the house while they were away, I had to stay in a shed and I couldn't have any of their food but I wasn't told about so I didn't bring any food. After a few days I left and never talked with them again.

That was about 25 years ago. I don't feel like I've missed out on anything of value. Oh and to add to this, I did have a brother who our father didn't do any of this to. They bought him clothes, gave him money, helped him get his first car, etc. So everything was very targeted towards me.

Image credits: spytez

People who have difficult relationships with parents often imagine it would be a relief to cut contact. In this Redditor's case, they say it doesn't actually make them feel that much better. "I feel less pressure to be someone else but not better," they admit.

At the moment, their way of dealing with the family drama is to keep busy. "I just throw myself into my studies and my friends," the netizen tells Bored Panda. They also find that reading similar stories helps, as they feel relatable and provide some perspective. "It made me realize parents aren't perfect," the Redditor says.

#4

My mother likes to make me cry. I think it's a control thing, but she always denies it even happens. After going out of her way to make me break down for three birthdays in a row, I asked my father if, just for one year, I could avoid speaking to her for the day. Bear in mind, I live in a different country, so it would just be a case of me not picking up the phone when she called. My father went apes**t. Called me ungrateful, pathetic, a disappointment, etc. Then said his biggest regret was that my s****de attempt failed. All because I wanted a birthday where I didn't cry. I just hung up without saying a word. Blocked their numbers and email addresses, deleted all social media. It's been years, and I'm so grateful he said all those horrible things, because I finally realised how better my life is without them.

Image credits: CrazySnekGirl

#5

After telling them I was getting divorced. They told me 1) My ex would always be their son and that they loved him more than me (to be fair they did try to back track and say they loved us both) 2) That no one else would ever love me and I'd realise I was ruining my life when I died alone 3) They only loved me becuase the bible said they had to 4) That they were writing me out of their will, and leaving it to my ex, because this was proof I was mentally unstable and once I'd come to my senses and gone back to him it would be mine anyway.

They were emotionally abusive my whole life but I kept going back and making excuses for them, not helped because my ex was abusive too. It's easy to believe you deserve to be treated badly when it's all people are telling you. Eventually I realised that I deserve to be happy and I just couldn't do that while continuing a relationship with them. They're never going to change, I think they honestly believe they're saying these things out of love and have no awareness of how they've hurt me.

Image credits: Ruannbram

#6

I didn't want to be a scientologist anymore. Raised from birth to believe that b******t. Took me like 20 years to get my head straight.

Image credits: Grandeftw

In a previous interview for Bored Panda, Clinical Psychologist and Family Estrangement Expert Karl Melvin explained that cutting off family members is taboo for some people because society at large considers family deeply important. That's why even extended family members might pressure people to reconcile.

But that can only have the opposite effect. "Many estranged people feel the need to hold onto the past to mitigate against bowing to any pressure," Melvin explained. "A reconciliation is a deeply personal choice; a forced or pressurized reconciliation may do more harm than good."

"Part of the challenge is understanding that not everyone has the same concept of what reconciliation is," he added. "Some view it as a continuation of the old relationship as opposed to a genuine effort to reflect on mistakes made and work toward creating a more respectful and healthier relationship."

#7

Long and short, I was SA’d by uncles as a child, multiple occasion. Tons of rage issues because of it. Grew up in a single parent household with mom not in the picture. Fast forward, faced my demons to an extent, mended relationship with Mom. Opened up to brothers and sisters and finally mom about the SA, suddenly I’m lying, ive always been a liar since I was a child, “my brothers would never do a thing to hurt you!”

Straight up alienated by my family tree because said SA, ended the last convo with, “you didn’t protect me as a child, you won‘t protect/support me as an adult, and you won’t protect my children either. What use are you to me or any of us?“.

Image credits: Taehcos

#8

Mother was career-oriented. I traveled 15 hours by Greyhound bus back to Illinois to help her finish up some roofing jobs still incomplete. She intentionally got in a fight with me at the bus station after the jobs were done, didn’t get me a ticket back, and ghosted me on $2,500. I had maybe $30 to my name at the time. Then she shut off my cell phone immediately after driving away. Had to walk about five miles to a friends house. He and a few of my other friends drove me back down to Alabama that night. Never spoke to her again.

Image credits: missuz-featherbottom

#9

It was a long time coming. But the straw that broke the camels back was berating me for not coming to a family function when I told my father that I had something that was completely unskippable at work. I had been abused by my father for years, his way of getting back at me for my mother leaving him I suppose. I just lost it at him and told him what I thought of him. I haven’t spoken to him or his family that all took his side every single time in 15 years.

Image credits: zelda_slayer

#10

There truly wasn’t one. It just was so much, for so long that I just stopped. My mom was too proud ever to call me because in her head, she deserved to be called. My father chose to cut me out of his life when my wife asked him not to wear shoes in the house.

Image credits: IAmReallyThurston

#11

My mom was dying of cancer. She had a restraining order against my father. Father finds her, and tries to marry her (metastatic brain tumor meant she was pretty gone the last six weeks). We block it as my brother and I are medical power of attorney, but do let him see her in hospice as an act of good faith.

I get a call from hospice the morning of her passing telling us to get over ASAP, she's going. We miss her passing by minutes because my father decided to yell at my brother for half an hour because my brother had locked the door to his bedroom the night before. Father does not come with us to hospice. When we call him to see how involved he wants to be with funeral stuff, he takes off with her documents, cards, and phone, then pretends to be her online for days, telling her family to contact him "for the real story".

I was 22 and my brother was 19 when this all happened. That was the final act that made me go from "maybe in a couple years we'll have a relationship where at least I call him once every few months" to "I cannot have this man in my life." He continued to escalate after that, but that day was the point of no return.

Image credits: ShinigamiLeaf

#12

My dad was always a functional alcoholic and hit retirement about 6 years ago. I knew this was going to be his downfall with having nothing better to do. I stopped calling him after 3pm because talking to him was impossible. That slowly became a noon cutoff, and then I just couldn't handle it.

I have a half sister that he doesn't claim and has had nothing to do with for 40 years. She connected with family via one of those DNA sites, and my dad didn't believe it. He made up a story that they needed to do a paternity test on a 45 year old to properly set up his will. Then he was so drunk he misread the results and called her telling her he's not her father. Mind you, this was all because my cousins asked if she would like to come to a family reunion and meet them.

I told him he needs to get help and apologize....he told me he didn't care if he ever talked to me again. I cut off communication then, and it's been about 2 years.

It really sucks because I miss my dad, but I just try to remember him as when I was younger.

Image credits: booger_pile

#13

My mother gave me a long speech about the morality of being a lesbian a couple of days before I (a woman) got married to my wife. She's pretty high up on her horse for a d**g addict who stole from me.

Image credits: Lulu_42

#14

It was a long process, but it really ended when my mom tried to sue my wife and me for "grandparents' rights." Anything after that would've only helped her to build a case to legally kidnap our son.

Image credits: David_Felder

#15

Parents got divorced between 12-14. During that period my dad became an evangelical Christian. All of the sudden, everything revolved around god and jesus. This continued until he moved to the US when I was 18 because “America is doing the lords work.” He completely ghosted his 2 teenage children and started a new “Christian family.” 

 He came to visit one time. He never met his 3 grandchildren and died in 2022. It had been 17 years since I had seen him. I did not go to the funeral because, to me, he had been dead a long time. .

Image credits: Musclecar123

#16

I wouldn't say disowned, but certainly ghosted.

My mother died when I was in college. It was horrible seeing her in hospital, skin yellow from jaundice, slowly succumbing to alcoholism.

My father was a hard core drinker too. He could hold his liquor better, but every night my parents would get wasted, and it was never a fun thing to be around. Being a kid growing up, you could only communicate with them in the morning when they were sober. In the evenings, I would stay in my room.

As an adult with a full realization of how my father treated me growing up - not really close, not available as a parent, occasional beatings with a belt, no acknowledgement of his faults or lack of initiative in helping my mother, I decided to ghost him.

For the last 20 years of his life, I had no communication with him. He died a sad, pathetic man who had no self awareness of the pain inflicted.

I have no regrets at all.

Image credits: ItsJustCrabs

#17

For me, it was a respect issue. I was pregnant with my first, and I know that miscarriages happen more frequently than people know, and I told my mom to not tell anyone. Not even her family, no one. I couldn’t have stressed that enough, and I told her my reasons. Well, she disrespected that and told literally everyone. That was it for me, it was just the last straw and I had enough.

Image credits: sifrult

#18

I had a kid and realized I didn't want them having any influence in her life. Their influence on mine was bad enough.

Image credits: FixedLoad

#19

My father, he physically and verbally abused my sister and I when we were kids. We got taken away and put into foster care finally our mom was found and we went with her.

For a couple of years after I wanted nothing to do with my father but around 10 years old I was like why not, i had gone into therapy and I started to talk to him again. For the next 20 years I did everything I could to have him be a part of my life. I was always calling, emailing, sending messages arranging for us to see each other( he was military moved around a lot) and he probably reached out first less than five times. If I didn't message/ call him first we could go months without communicating.

What finally did it for me was when I became a mom. I would do anything for them, protect them, I could never imagine hurting my children. It really got me thinking about my relationship with my father and I realized I how s****y he is, yes I forgave him for everything but did he do anything to deserve that? Big f*****g no!

I wrote him a long a*s message told him how I felt and he responded but it was all b******t. It's been two years now since we have talked and I wish I had done it sooner.

#20

It was a slow burn.

When I was younger, my mother could be very charming and ‘loving’, with intermittent bursts of physical and emotional abuse. As I got older, that ratio flipped, and I started reading up on personality disorders. My wife and I came to realize that we’d both grown up with toxic narcissists as mothers, enabled by weak fathers who wanted to placate the crazy person and keep their own situation calm, even at the expense of their children.

A few years after we married, my MIL left hours of recorded messages on our answering service. She filled our mailbox with rants about hoping we would lose our business and that I would die. My wife went no contact with her parents, and her life began to improve significantly.

It was another 20 before we would do that with mine, but my mom went down the conservative rabbit hole, which had a multiplier effect on her ugliness. We parted ways for 9 years and reaped the benefits of a drama-free life.

Then, a year before they died, I got a call saying they would become wards of the state unless I became their conservator. They had allowed a live-in caregiver to get overly involved in their affairs. I decided to suck it up and make sure they were well cared for and could remain in their home. By this time, unbeknownst to me, my mother had dementia and my father, an avid reader, had lost his eyesight.

Surprisingly, taking care of them at the end was a great experience. My mom’s narcissism disappeared with the dementia, and she became charming and funny as hell. My dad became loving and apologetic. I think he was surprised I’d step up to the plate after all that happened.

Nevertheless, I have no regrets about going NC with any of them. Whoever said blood is thicker than water is full of s**t—family is where some of the deepest hurt comes from.

#21

It was relatively small, when I stand back & look, but it was clear that our relationship was always going to be me (& everyone else) upending my life so he could do nothing at all.


The final-final straw was a request for me to attend an appointment that would mean a ~1.5 hour bus ride each direction, missing classes, missing work + make my own arrangement to stay somewhere overnight (I couldn't stay in my parents' home unless I slept in a sleeping bag on the floor somewhere & I didn't own a sleeping bag) all so my father could play Happy Family in public.  Again.


I didn't get on the bus.  I went to class.  I had a bad day at work.  Then I slept in my own bed.


I didn't mean it to be forever but I realized while my work day was tanking, I would still rather be doing that than pretending to be a Happy Family.


Everyday since has been better than it would be if he were in my life.  He made good days miserable & bad days hell.

Image credits: schnitzeldehuahua

#22

My dad had contacted me about 3 times by the time I was 15. he realized he might die soon and got in contact with my brothers and I like nothing happened & my brothers took him back very kindly. I did not, he eventually started continuously asking for money & acting like he had part in my our upbringing. they finally cut him off as well.
tbh its me being petty, my dad has about 6 kids and im the only girl. I like to think that his only daughter never talking to him was the karma for all he’s done.

#23

I'm NC, going on 2 years and plan is forever.

Abuse. Coming to terms with the physical, emotional abuse they put me through.

Then they just turned crazy when they found religion and Trump is their messiah.

To name one of the many things:

My step mom was jealous of me because I had bigger boobs than her. I started to develop early. I got my 1st period a week after my 8th bday. Anyway - her jealousy extended to accusing me of trying to seduce my dad and s**t for my dad. I had to wear layers of clothes to help hide my boobs. Like think 4 layers. Very uncomfortable. Anyway, it got to a head one day after years of accusing me of being a whore for my dad she turned it on him and accused him..so what did my dad do? Beat the ever living s**t out of me screaming "I'm not your boyfriend" the entire time. My step mom also made my dad pay for a boob job because "no child of hers will have bigger boobs than her"

Again. One of the many fk up things.

#24

When they threatened to ruin my job and prevent my employment by lying and staged an intervention to coerce me into corroborating their BS. No contact going on 7 years and it’s never been better.

Image credits: CanidSapien

#25

After going no contact several times, it was finally when my dad died and I had to fly across the country and I left my kids with my mother she told them I abandoned them and then kidnapped my oldest and left her in another state with another family member. Haven’t spoken to her in almost 3 years, it’s very nice.

#26

Taking my kid out and trying to indoctrinate her into Q-Anon. The other mother lost her mind hears voices and cut my kids hair without asking which caused a f**k ton of drama. The mothers in my life kept putting my kids at risk. I didn’t want such strong boundaries, but I got tired of trying to fix them.

#27

When my dad said he didn’t blame
my brother at all for trying to stab me… that was the final straw for me…
Going on 18 years of no contact. Don’t see it ever changing.

#28

Mom got arrested for child neglect and animal cruelty.

#29

We told my mom she needed to address her behavior and offer a sincere apology. I knew she was going to try to sweep her behavior under the rug by "having a medical emergency" and going to the hospital. She texted my husband one night and told him she thought she broke her foot and asked for a ride to the hospital (she was fine). I warned him that she was trying to manipulate us and told him to be on guard. She tried to give a half-assed apology and he cut her off and told her it wasn't an appropriate time, that she could apologize when it wasn't late at night and they weren't going to the hospital. The next day she texted my husband something like, "I apologized, can I see my grandkids now?" He reiterated that she needed to offer a sincere apology and addres her behavior. An hour and a half later, a police officer knocked on our door because she called the cops for a wellness check on our kids. Nope. Not putting up with that, we were done.

It's been two and a half years since then and they have been the most peaceful years of my life.

Also, everyone acted like I was psychic when I predicted that the next thing that she would do was go to the hospital for no reason. It doesn't take a psychic to predict that someone who regularly used going to the hospital as a way to get attention was going to continue that trend.

#30

Generational trauma and religious trauma are two of the largest factors why I had a poor relationship with my parents, with constantly having to keep up appearances/facades and never feeling like I'm enough for them coming in at a close second, not to mention the clear lack of respect for my time and space over and over again. Me coming out released quite the backlash from them ("you have brought great dishonor to your family and made a nightmare for your mother..." and so on), messaging me once a week or so to berate me for it, so once this happened, I changed my legal name, changed all my documents, dropped off my old phone wiped at their house, and noped out.

#31

Dad pulled a loaded gun on me, haven’t talked to him since. I’ve heard he’s died since then and could care less.

#32

After 50+ years of crazy, I decided I would prefer to have a peaceful life built on my own terms.

Just because I am their kid doesn't mean I have a lifetime obligation to participate in their insanity.

#33

It was more of a long haul. As I matured as a person I began to realise that I couldn't let my mother keep affecting my mental health with her narcissistic abuse. It was hard to walk away but would have been much harder to keep putting up with her abuse.

#34

Nothing too dramatic. I simply messaged her and was ignored. After wracking my brain for any perceived slight I would have to grovel for I just…let it go. I simply told myself that if she needed anything or had an issue to discuss with me, she could reach out. Never heard from her again. I heard later from a sibling that after she missed the stream of my wedding, she told everyone I changed the time of MY WEDDING to spite her lmao.

#35

My parents were born into a cult. I was born into it also. At age 10, because I got my period I was given to a 34 year old male to be his 3rd wife. I was almost 13 when I was basically kidnapped from that cult and taken to an ex cult members house to live.

Was deprogrammed,tried to end my own life when I was 16 bc of what I went through. I'm still alive. I'll be 50 this year. I don't know if my parents or if any of my siblings are even alive.

#36

My father abandoned my mom and I when I was 2. Divorced her long distance when I was 6. When I was 30 I found him and we began talking, he told me about a brother I had and made it seem like I was part of a family, when we talked on the phone he was always telling me stories about my brother. After about 6 months I realized he had never let me actually meet or talk to my brother and I suspected he never talked to my sibling about me. He got mad and said that was hurtful but eventually admitted it to be true. My sibling had grown to his early 20s without knowing I existed and father gets mad at me. He had hidden his entire first marriage and kid from his second family their whole life. Eventually I met them and we have a good relationship but he never spoke to me again because calling him out on his lies was “ the most venomous thing he ever experienced “. He was a life long educator and when he died I wasn’t even named in the obituary BUT it does say how he spent his whole life “helping kids”… you know, except his own kid.

#37

Jehovahs Witnesses who abused and manipulated me and coerced me into marrying a JW man when I had just turned 17. Wouldn’t accept my choice to marry a good guy outside of the religion despite him stepping up and being an amazing father to the kids I had with my ex husband who was extremely abusive and then abandoned them.

Lots of sexual abuse growing up that they never reported and made me feel responsible for.

I developed PTSD and the only way for me to improve my mental health was to cut them out completely.

#38

When I was looking at bridal gowns, I found myself looking at shapeless, full coverage dresses because I didn't want my dad acting all creepy and handsy/ make gross comments about my appearance. The thought of him walking me down the aisle made me nauseous. Then I thought "wtf, just don't invite him." And I didn't. My now husband and I walked down the aisle together. Haven't spoken to my dad since 2019 and my life has never been better.

#39

I was in recovery for alcohol, my brother is a drunk and she’s the enabler. The final straw was me asking her to come celebrate my two years sobriety and her suggesting a brewery. I asked if she had considered why I wouldn’t like going there since every item was alcohol themed and she cried about how she just “never gets things right and doesn’t understand why I hate her so much.” So I told her to get therapy and that we were no longer speaking. This is a pattern of hers where she’s the victim after thoughtfully composing a plan that would hurt me but make her look like a doting mother.

This is after she so lovingly moved an adult addict into our home when I was 14 and made me live with that person stealing and verbally assaulting me for years. She has picked him repeatedly.

#40

I was venting to my mother that my ex was driving his gf and my kids around so drunk my child told the younger child to make sure his seat belt was on correctly because the ex was so drunk they were repeatedly veering into the oncoming lane. I was also venting that now the ex moved the gf in after the kids meeting her once as "just a friend" they altered my preteens bedtime to 9pm so they could f**k so loudly my kids said it seemed like they were purposely putting on a show.


My mother had the nerve to say I sounded jealous.


The ex was abusive to me and the kids during the marriage and since the divorce became more abusive, angry and unhinged. About a week after she said that to me, the ex left a significant bruise and I wound up with full custody.


I'm still pissed about it.

#41

I am going through a mental health struggle at the moment. My mother thought the best way to support me through that was to get blind drunk and act like a petulant toddler.

She's in her 50's, but has never acted like an adult or a supportive parent. I couldn't take being the 'adult' in our dynamic anymore. I needed my mum. She let me down.

#42

My "dad" and I were already arguing (via messenger)after he said "answer me!" regarding a question he asked about my mom that was none of his business. Long story shortish: During our argument I somehow ended up bringing up how he picked on me mercilessly when I was a teen and forced me to hide my face any time I watched TV with the family so he wouldn't have to see me twitch because I have tourette syndrome. His only response was that I do not have tourettes. That was one of the worst times of my life and it really made me ask why the fk I should even bother keeping in contact with him, so now I don't. Apologies for the run on sentences.

#43

The situation with my abusive parent got to the point where I was so depressed and at the end of my rope, that i was very, very close to ending everything. At that point, I had no choice but to walk away, or end up six feet under. My only regret is waiting until my late 40s to finally walk away. Wish I had the courage to do it 30 years earlier.

#44

My mom had an affair behind my dad's back and they divorced. I tried to be there for both until my mom started talking about living with her permanently, meeting her new man and pretty much cutting my dad off. That wasn't gonna happen but I still tried to be around. I found out she was doing coke a little while after that. Okay, whatever. I can forgive that. She started asking me, a 14 year old at the time for money I didn't have. Soon it became less about actually giving a s**t about me and more about the child support checks she'd receive if I took her side. I walked in on my dad, drunk as hell, loaded gun on the table sobbing after I came home from my mom's one weekend. After seeing that and how badly it tore my dad apart and how little my mom gave a f**k I decided to cut her off right there. It's been almost 15 years since I've talked to her. I don't regret my decision.

#45

It's a lot of things mixed together, but the final straw I think is when you finally realize and accept that they are who they are without remorse and they will probably never change.

#46

Boyfriends family but I feel the effects…. Took boyfriends brothers side over his daughter (the granddaughter) over SA allegations, grandma made granddaughter call her abuser and look at pictures of him to try and convince her she was wrong - haven’t spoken a word to them since.

#47

It was a long process but my mother had borderline personality. She decided that I had wronged her in some way so she came to my apartment at 3 AM banging on the door to present me with a bill for my upbringing. I called the cops on her for trespassing and I just decided I was done.

#48

It added up over time- just chaotic and disrespectful. I asked myself WHY I was suffering through this relationship when it was taking a serious toll on my mental well-being. I decided one day that I was done. I still ache for that figure in my life (not him), and I’m sad that I never got the Father I needed and that we all deserve- a soft place to land, someone who builds you up instead of tearing you down, someone who tells you everyday that you are enough and you deserve to be loved just as you are.

#49

My sister said something horrible to me and my mother insisted I apologize for causing her stress. We were in our 30s at that point and I just left. Been over a year and I haven’t spoken to either of them.

#50

Constantly trying to get me to divorce my wife whom Ive been with for 15 years.  She (my wife) has BPD, and is recovering from a very traumatic childhood.  I understand this, and support her even on the tough days.  My parents think she's "a psycho", and not worth my time, despite the fact that Im happiest around her, and we work very hard on our relationship despite our personal problems/flaws.  Parents see it as, "she's broken, dump her".  Which is horrible.  Im proud of how far my wife has come in the years we've been together, and when my parents gave me a "her or us" choice, I stopped talking to them.

#51

My Mom telling me "I'm taking the easy way out by dating men." This was a week after I came out to her, and my Dad immediately said "No you're not.". I don't go home to see them, I only pick up the phone on occasion to make sure it's not an emergency.

#52

Mom cut a random chunk of my hair off while I was sleeping. Dad made excuses for why it's normal.

#53

He got on a plane.

He never really liked me or engaged with me much growing up. We never did things as a family. Never vacationed or flew anywhere to visit other family. As a kid I didn’t know any better, then when I was old enough I wrote it off as him likely being autistic but still tried to cultivate a relationship with his grandkids. Then, after he divorced my mom and reconnected with his high school girlfriend I realized he was capable of actually caring about people and their happiness. He just didn’t care enough with me or my kids. He got on a plane to go visit the girlfriend and that’s when I realized.

#54

My mom walked out on my dad and me when I was five. From the time she left I longed for her love and affection; my dad was a stand-up guy but not the emotionally nurturing type.

My mom ended up marrying her affair partner who was a d**k (he abandoned his own wife and kids for her and never wanted me around), and she strung me along for 20 years with tiny dribbles of attention, occasional short visits and phone calls where she'd act sad that we weren't closer.

After her husband died the phone calls became more frequent and she'd say all of these careless extremely hurtful things, or she'd be drunk and crying about how she missed me. The calls were incredibly painful to sit through. Every time we'd hang up after talking I'd just break down and cry for the relationship I wish we'd had and the need for a mom's love that never went away.

A lot of bad s**t happened to me over the years and I always knew that it could have all been a lot easier to get through if I had a mom who cared and supported me, someone to listen to me and help me through things.

The tipping point came at my wedding. We had a small beach wedding, and my mom decided to show up and play mother of the bride, a title she was definitely not worthy of. She insinuated herself into special gestures that were aimed at my partner's mom and my stepmom which really pissed me off.

After the wedding and honeymoon. and I sent her a letter telling her I just didn't want to talk to her anymore. I listed a bunch of the s****y things she'd done and ways she'd let me down. I told her that she had made me terrified to have kids of my own because I didn't know the first thing about being a good mom, or that I'd abandon them like she did to me. I told her that it was just too painful having her in my life.

It's been over 20 years and I'm at peace with that decision.

#55

Condemned me to hell for being a disobedient daughter. The last thing he told me on the phone was that he disowned me. All because I didn't agree to help him bilk the government for disability benefits. It's been over 10 years. I hope he regrets being a lonely old man but I don't think narcissists regret anything.

#56

He went through my stuff without asking then continued to s**t talk me to my mom, who proceeded to not stand up for me.

As for the contents of my stuff, it was a bunch of religious books he really did NOT like as a devout Catholic. I was just beginning my anthropology studies.

But today I'm an anthropologist :).

#57

TL;DR: I stopped speaking to my mom, my only living parent, when I found out she had been trying to prevent me marrying my now wife, not because she thought the marriage would be bad for me but because my mom hadn't been invited to the wedding (we eloped instead).

After we announced we were getting married, and that we were having a courthouse wedding with only the two required witnesses (which would be very close friends, no family), my mom would routinely call me with a reason why I shouldn't marry my fiancée. They were for all insulting reasons, such as my fiancée was a gold digger, or had mental health problems, or was just using me to get permanent residency (I'm a limey, my wife is a yank). On each call I argued against my mom, she would start crying when she realised I wasn't going to change my mind and then end the call.

We got married (it was perfect), then had a wedding reception in the UK for all British friends and family and a second reception in the US for everyone there. At the UK reception my mon turned up very late, enough that everyone in the room noticed her arrival, she basically didn't talk to my wife or me but otherwise didn't cause a scene.

It was about a year or so of being married, when I felt like my mom and wife hadn't really built up a good relationship compared to my brother and his wife who had married in the same year, that I decided to have a serious conversation with my mom to try and start things over.

It was in that conversation that my mom feigned complete ignorance of ever having made those upsetting phone calls, in fact not only had she never made them but apparently she's the type of person who never could. So obviously there was nothing to apologise about, as she had done nothing wrong. She got upset about me even suggesting she had made those calls, walked out of the room, and then came back to tell me something that at the time I thought was a non sequitur: my parents' marriage had not been a happy one, to put it lightly (my dad had died about ten years ago, my mom had quickly changed back to using her maiden name), but I was told that what got my mom through that marriage was knowing that one day she'd get to see all her sons get married. This was a weird line in what was already a bizarre conversation, so I just again explained the many reasons why we eloped (none of which were satisfactory to my mom).

COVID then happened, so there was no attempt to try to get my wife and mom to know each other better by us meeting up. Instead I thought through that crazy conversation some more. Eventually it hit me: my mom didn't believe any of the reasons she gave for me not marrying my wife, so she couldn't (or didn't want to) recall what she said, because the actual reasons didn't matter. She just wanted me not to marry my wife so that I'd presumably meet someone else who would want a traditional wedding. The fact that she was trying to stop me marrying the woman I loved was less important to my mom than her getting through her own marital problems.

So I wrote a letter to my mom, telling her until she apologised for trying to stop me marrying my wife I didn't want us to have a relationship with her. That was several years ago now and my mom hasn't spoken to me since, so I guess it's permanent!

#58

Every time she called me, I’d vomit from anxiety. Even if it was simple and not abusive, she would ruin my day completely. Even just seeing that I had a message after class would send me into a spiral.

The three most important people in my life came to me and were like, ‘we really can’t let this keep happening.’

One of them was my best friend’s mom and she told me, without mentioning my own mom, a story about how when she was pregnant with my best friend, she started to have trouble with her pregnancy thanks to the anxiety her mom was giving her. She told me she realized she was either going to lose her baby or lose her mother, and she decided she could stand to lose her past but couldn’t lose her future. She just kind of laid it out without even commenting on my situation. And it worked.

That was almost 15 years ago and I’ve never regretted cutting off contact.

#59

Not telling me when my nan’s funeral was.

My dad isn’t malicious (I don’t believe anyway), he just doesn’t think. He was in contact with me the day she died, and even a few days after. He told me he would let me know when the funeral was so that my brother and I could attend.

And then he just. Never did.

I found out five days beforehand from my cousin (who hadn’t spoken to me in years by that point), messaging me to ask why I wasn’t coming. I told her I didn’t even know the funeral was the upcoming week. Cue me scrambling to let my mum/brother know in hopes we could all go (we have all moved away from the area my nan lived in).

Thankfully we did make it down and managed to book some hotel rooms. But when I saw my dad at the funeral I just felt. Disappointed. Immensely so.

It’s funny, because I saw my nan about a month before she passed away, when she had gone into hospital. Travelled down to see her, decided to make a day of it and meet up with an old friend in the mid afternoon. My nan told me, whilst I was there, that my dad was coming in about an hour. I really didn’t want to see him (due to prior times he had let me down), and my nan said that it seemed silly that I’d still be angry at him over inconsequential things (things that were not inconsequential to me). I told her that I just wasn’t ready to talk to him yet, but maybe one day I would be.

I wonder how she’d feel if she knew he didn’t tell me about her funeral? That two of her grandchildren nearly missed out on saying goodbye, either through incompetence or malice (though I choose to believe it is the former - my dad is an dumbass but he’s not the malicious type).

I don’t know
But, I’m still not ready to talk to him about it either. Maybe I never will be. And I’m telling myself that, that’s okay too.

#60

Does an evil, wicked, narcissistic, selfish, maniacal, manipulative "grandmother" count. B***h was damaging to the entire family from the moment my mom was born. She would often tell her that she was a mistake. After the evil witch got released from hospital after having hip surgery, and ONLY because my mom asked to give her one more chance, i was there helping her with some chores due to her being immobile (she milked being taken care of) told me I was a terrible person, I told her there is a very special place in hell for people like her and that was that. The day she died, I felt nothing for her and relief for my mom not having to deal with POS.

#61

I caught them extorting money from my handicapped aunt. 3 months into becoming a new father I had to also become the legal guardian of my aunt because my parents had successfully bled a third of her life savings and were going for the rest. It took that really horrible act for me to finally admit how evil they were and pull the plug.