Medical dramas are strangely addictive. At least that’s what I experienced sitting in front of the TV at 3 a.m. waiting for Dr. House to announce his third and final diagnosis.

They offer us a sneaky glimpse into the chaotic lives of doctors, depicting mysterious and seemingly unrealistic stories that have us hooked from the very first episode. But are the things that happen in these hospitals far from those in real life?

The answer is: not really. At least it seems that way when you read the insane stories people have shared in this popular Reddit thread. From intestines tumbling out to eyes dangling from their sockets, these patients and workers have probably seen more things in their lifetime than a regular person should ever experience.

#1

I'm a nurse. Seen some weird stuff but the one that sticks out is a 80 year old manic depressive woman blocking my way out of her room to twerk at me.

Image credits: FoodSamurai

#2

I work on a psych ward i see f****d up s**t every day. yesterday I had to take away my patients wallet because he wanted to order a wedding ring for his future wife kim kardashian. later on he used his poo to write M + K on the wall.
if you are reading this Kim, you won‘t find another guy like him!

Image credits: OkCover7896

#3

I was working in a hospital and we had a prisoner in the emergency department. We were out of beds, so they had him in a storage closest with two guards. I went in to examine him. He had a port for dialysis with an attached tube. He was probably 6’3, 350lbs. He’s cuffed. As I’m examining him, he bites and tears out his tube and blood just starts spraying **everywhere** all over me and the guards. The guards were in shock and I was in shock and we were all looking at each other expecting each to do something.

Eventually, they restrained him and we sedated him and stopped the bleeding. It was at like 2am and just an unreal experience.

Image credits: redmoskeeto

It seems that even the medical shows that are largely exaggerated may get many details right, as healthcare workers believe these series are becoming more and more accurate. Some things that most of them get right are the aching work of long shifts and the compassion between healthcare workers and their patients.

Dr. Karen North agrees that they’re somewhat realistic. “But they take character traits, including character flaws, and amplify them because it allows them to write an interesting character drama." And if you’re wondering, no, love triangles amongst hospital workers aren’t as common as they portray them to be.

In addition, many professionals in the field agree that these series are very beneficial for their profession as they increase public interest and inform people about how healthcare works.

#4

Im a nurse. We had one guy with a history of severe, untreated hernias who was admitted because one had grown so large it looked like he had a basketball under his skin and he needed surgery. Well, before we had the chance to get him to the OR he sneezed and the stretched skin of his belly just split open like a water balloon and his intestines tumbled out. It looked like he’d dropped a plate of spaghetti in his lap. We draped some wet gauze over the area and rushed him downstairs pretty sharpish

Image credits: catrosie

#5

A year ago I had to sit across from a dude picking his split open finger for 4 hours. It was open from him picking it and had obviously been open (like 1/4 gone to the bone) a long time and was dry and black, orange and yellow. There was a pile of crusts around him in the floor. Bit of a concern to say the least.

Image credits: buntkrundleman

#6

I once met Michael Jackson!


Well, not the actual Michael Jackson - a very nice man in psychosis who was convinced he was Michael Jackson.


He wasn't even in the psych unit - he was on a surgical ward after jumping through a large window to escape from Interpol. He had two broken legs and severe lacerations.


Interesting guy.

Image credits: xanthophore

To improve the accuracy of these shows, many of them hire medical consultants and advisers. Their responsibility is to collect stories from various sources, such as medical journals or friends (but never their patients). Afterward, they pitch their ideas to the screenplay writers, and if they get picked, they get aired.

#7

A patient trying to hand out maltesers to staff.. it was her poo rolled into balls

Image credits: Friendly_Direction17

#8

Posted this in another thread before: Weekend afternoon, one of the first nice days of spring. Slow day in the ER for the most part, when in comes a distressed younger couple with their infant baby. Mom is hysterical, and dad is barely keeping it together. Dad gets it out that baby is "bleeding from his mouth". I'm skeptical, because the baby looks quite happy, but I do see a slight reddish/pink tinge inside his mouth. I take the child and put him down on the exam table, all bright lights and tongue depressors to get a good look in the baby's mouth. Sure enough, evidence of blood, but again, no baby distress. Oh wait - there's something near the back of her mouth, kind of a darkish red color. A blood clot maybe? Not sure. Have a coworker firmly immobilize the head, and with hemostats, go in and pluck out the object. Amazingly, it comes out in one piece, and looks like a plump, slightly larger sized raisin. I can't figure out what it is, but it's definitely not a clot. In to the specimen bag goes the squishy thing. No distress for the baby, vitals normal, breathing easily, happy demeanor, good color, etc. Time to get more of a history from mom and dad. First day outside with new baby and their dog, enjoying the weather. Baby's on a blanket - giggling as the dog runs around him. Wait a sec, did you say. . . a dog? Lemme take a closer look at the "thing" in the specimen bag. Sure enough, suspicions confirmed. It's a tick. Deflated to be sure, but a tick that recently had a large meal of the red stuff. Baby must of pulled it off the dog, and then done what babies do by putting it in his mouth.

TL/DR - Infant pulled a full tick off of family dog and chewed it.

Image credits: ooftashark

#9

Hospital in the Netherlands - absolutely clean, lovely staff, but they had a bat problem. There were bats flying through the hallways.

Note: I had just had surgery for a kidney stone, and boy, did that hurt. Eventually they took some pity on me, and gave me some kind of opioid. I went from very unhappy to 'hey look, I found an exercise bike' - and then the bats started appearing. Cute, fluffy black bats occasionally flying through the hallways. And they seemed completely real to me. They did disappear after a while, alas...

Image credits: PE1NUT

Some organizations also work to correct medical misinformation in the media, like “Hollywood, Health, and Society," a research center that connects shows and movies with scientific experts. They prioritize what’s most important, like information on heart diseases, as the episodes usually have a few minutes of medical scenes and the rest is dedicated to interpersonal drama.

Overall, the purpose of these shows isn’t to teach people how to be doctors—you have to go to school for that—but rather to give people a taste of it and make it as real as possible.

#10

I was an ER nurse. Nobody checked the guy going through alcohol withdrawals pockets, he set the bed on fire with a lighter while he was hallucinating. Entire bed went up in flames, sprinklers went off, whole pod of rooms shut down. Oxygen tank in the room the whole time. He was just chillin the whole time, watching it burn.

Image credits: No-Performer1463

#11

I was sat in a Thai emergency room waiting area a few years back and a guy calmly sat down next to me holding his hand to his face. Lady he was with went up to queue and fill out the paperwork and whatnot. I politely said hi in broken Thai, he said hi back, and we paid no more attention to each other. She got to the front of the line and the triage nurse ran over to him immediately and spoke urgently and rapidly to him. He responded calmly, stood up, moved his hand and... showed her his eye. Which was in his hand. Dangling from the socket on a long thing. He and the lady he was with treating the whole situation like a minor inconvenience.

Image credits: Crow_eggs

#12

I was a patient.
There was an elderly man in the bed next to me waiting to be transferred to a nursing home.
The nursing staff treated him as though he was a difficult patient when, in reality, he was just too frail to do things for himself .
Anyway, one day, the nurse refused to help him go to the bathroom as she said he was just being lazy.
I could not help as I was bedridden myself at the time.
He took a fall and hit his head on the floor . The male nurse just threw him back onto the bed. His family arrived, and I heard them asking the female nurse who refused to help him. Why their father was so groggy.
The nurse lied, saying nothing had happened, and he was fine.
I called the man's daughter over to my bed and told her the whole story.
Needless to say, the s**t hit the fan.

Image credits: working_class_tired

#13

I spent three months in hospital when I was 18 at in that time on the ward there were definitely some characters. A month or so in, i guess they were out of room in other wards but around 9 oclock at night, a man was brought in by a police officer and clearly off his face. He was assigned a bed, left alone and i guess passed out for a bit. Middle of the night I hear a shuffling around and wake up. The guy is stood at the foot of my bed and when he notices I’m awake starts yelling about how i’m on fire, everyone is going to die and tries grabbing at other patients to ‘save them’. Security were called, police were called he was aggressive, belligerent and even when they got the cuffs on he was giving his best fight to escape or hurt someone. Dunno if it was desperation, fear, reflex or what but one of the nurses just yelled that they were going to call his mother. Instant attitude shift, calmed down, apologised and started crying. He was escorted off the ward and I never saw him again. A Truly bizarre 4 hour stint in a pretty weird stay.

Image credits: Quizzical_Chimp

#14

I was in the hospital for an infection in the bones of my foot. I take medication for a heart condition and diabetes. Nurse came in one evening to give me my medication. She brings me strange looking pills. I ask her what they are. She tells me two medications I've never heard of. I tell her she might have mixed up my medication with someone else's. She says no, she's sure, take the pills. I refuse. I ask for a the head nurse for the floor or a doctor. Head nurse comes in, I ask her what medication I'm supposed to be receiving. She checks my chart, confirms what I'm supposed to be taking. I ask her to ask the original nurse what medication she has in her hand. The nurses leave the room and a third nurse comes back in with the right pills. Head nurse comes back in and tells me that the original nurse will no longer be responsible for my care.

The next day, the nurse coordinator comes in with a digital audio recorder and notepad to go over all the details of what happened the night before. From what I learned later, this wasn't the first incident with this nurse giving out the wrong medications. She had done it to a couple of other patients and I heard she had been suspended pending an investigation. Don't know what happened because nobody ever contacted me after that.

Image credits: structured_anarchist

#15

Quite a few things.

First - patient in severe alcohol withdrawal busted out of 4 point locked restraints somehow. Super hulk strength. His 1:1 safety companion came running down the hallway past the nursing station yelling “call security! Call security!” And here comes this guy butt naked, blood flying everywhere because he ripped his IVs out, carrying an IV pole above his head. Security took him down, we sedated him, and basically intubated him on the floor of the unit.

An elderly lady, maybe 100 pounds soaking wet, had severely low oxygen levels. We didn’t have ventilators available (COVID) and the doctors were trying to delay intubating her as long as they could, supporting her respiratory system with a noninvasive BiPAP machine. She was so confused from her messed up blood gases. She busted out of restraints, picked up a chair in her room, threw it at the window, shattered it, and tried to jump out the window from the 9th floor. We had to bear hug her and bring her down to the floor. (She was intubated, we had to manually bag her while someone drove to a sister hospital, picked up a ventilator, and brought it for her.)

Patient who was shot in the abdomen was refusing an NG tube for decompression of his stomach. (Tube goes through your nose into your stomach, hooked up to intermittent suction to keep stomach acid and gas from passing into your bowels. Without it, if you have an obstruction or ileus, your abdomen swells in size and things like surgical incisions can rip open.) Well he was completely refusing it and we warning him his incision would rip open. Sure enough, it eventually did. His intestines spilled out onto his lap and he just sat there poking them, completely fascinated he was seeing his own intestines. I had to tell him to stop touching them and he said “why?” And my response was “they live inside of you because they’re not meant to be touched. Stop touching them.” He was rushed to the OR.

Image credits: deadheadramblinrose

#16

I went to visit a mental health client who'd unsuccessfully tried to end it by severing the major vein and artery on both sides of the neck. This was nothing compared to the guy next to him. A guy working for some cowboy air-conditioning company was not given proper equipment and has literally cooked off his arms and legs. He was completely helpless. Still in fresh bandages, he had the most beautiful caring wife spoon feeding him. His eyes were glossy as he saw me looking over at him. I gave a chocolate bar to his wife and nodded at him. After this I told my client that I needed a second and I went out in the hallway and cried like a baby.

Image credits: Prestigious_Rub6504

#17

A rogue, wandering cat behind the counter of the closed-for-the-evening hospital shop.

There’s a set of shelves built into the wall behind the counter that’s full of teddy bears and other soft toys (presumably to be bought when visiting a patient) and the cat was asleep amongst the toys.

Image credits: LoudAndQueer1991

#18

I had an accident where I sliced my leg up real bad. 27 stitches bad. My mom drove me to the hospital. I went into the ER and there was a lady behind the glass on her phone. I told her I'm hurt real bad and need help. She didn't look up and just mumbled something I couldn't understand. I slapped the glass, leaving a bloody handprint. She still didn't look up until she finished doing whatever she was doing. When she finally did look up, she saw the blood and started to panic. I told the doctor that saw me about her behavior, but I have no idea if anything happened about it.

Image credits: rdkitchens

#19

My grandfather was in the hospital and went into cardiac arrest. As the temporary nursing staff left his room laughing that they "cracked Mr. (Smiths) ribs and worked him over real good" little did they know my grandfather's niece who was at the time a DA with Harris County heard everything. HIPAA violations, elder abuse and more. She was white hot. All the nurses were fired immediately and the hospital was under investigation for elder abuse and it's accreditation.

Image credits: Fury161Houston

#20

I was interning at a hospital and basically I aided nurses doing menial tasks like making beds, delivering drinks or snacks to patients, and even bathing patients. One day I was helping transport a patient for surgery and the man seemed fine, chipper even. I didn't ask why he was there so I just did my job. When we made it the area where he was to be prepped I stayed because I was curious to see why he was there. The doctor pulled of his blanket to reveal his leg pretty much soaked in blood with pieces of his flesh loose. He accidentally shotgunned his leg and was taking like a champ. All he said was "It was my own damn fault so I can't be mad." I have no what he was on, but I wish to be that serene if something like that even happens to me.

Image credits: Fraxian

#21

Had a C-section after 32 hours of labor; I passed out from exhaustion, slept through all but about the last 10 minutes of the surgery, finally woke up to the doctors trying to figure out the name of the big guy with the weird face in "Goonies". I answered "Sloth", they thanked me, and went on delivering my daughter.

Image credits: eva_rector

#22

I was brought to the ER by ambulance. While I was waiting for a room, another patient was extremely drunk and waiting for a bed nearby. He asked the EMT if he could vape in the hospital and they told him he couldn't. He proceeded to pull out a vape and try anyways. The hospital staff took it away from him. After about 5 minutes, and when he seemed sure that nobody was looking, he pulled out another vape and tried to take a hit. It was quickly confiscated by hospital staff.

Image credits: bbbbbthatsfivebees

#23

UK patient in an A&E waiting room. Fella was sat in the waiting room bleeding from somewhere, not a small amount either, completely oblivious to everyone around him including the nurses trying to admit him. Pretty sure he was on [drugs] as he just sat there gurning and bopping to some music on his headphones. Strange experience to say the least.

Image credits: dingoDoobie

#24

I was in the ER for reasons and while in a bed there was another woman next to me who was very obviously there to try and get pain meds like morphine or similar. She would roll around in agony when a nurse or doctor was in the room but as soon as they left she’d be snacking or laughing at the TV or calling someone.

A few hours in she gets a phone call and starts freaking out. Says her daughter was stabbed and she needs to go. I knew she was an addict of some kind but her fear and panic sounded very, very real. She started calling for nurse to come take her IV out because she had to leave ASAP to go to her daughter. She’s crying and ripping out her IV by herself, a whole mess.

The nurse who is discharging her asks her if her daughter would be taken to that hospital, and the woman says her phone is dead so she doesn’t know, she’s just going to go to wherever she last heard from her. I still think about her and wonder if her daughter was okay. Or real, even.

Image credits: kikistiel

#25

My (now late) mother and I were in triage in the hospital, had to wait in the hall to be seen. We were seated next to a man that looked like Bill Fagerbakke (actor that was in the movie the Stand, and is the voice actor for Patrick in the SpongeBob SquarePants series). The man looked about 40, and his elderly parents were there with him.

Everything was fine and dandy, I was twiddling my thumbs looking down, until I hear a nurse speaking with the man:

Nurse: “What did you eat for breakfast today?”
Man: “A gallon of lighter fluid and two bricks.”
Nurse: “ok, and what is your name?”
Man: “Bob Marley M**o.”
Nurse: “ok great I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

I realized I was sitting next to someone who likely had Schizophrenia, or some type of delusional disorder. It was insane and fascinating how calm and patient the nurse was with him.

A few minutes after that, a psychotic woman was being strapped to a bed as she was having a mental break. My mom and I genuinely thought we were accidentally in a psych ward. For years after, bob Marley m**o was our little inside joke.

Image credits: corncaked

#26

Used to be a frequent patient so have seen some s**t….

A schizophrenic woman in the ward for several weeks screaming her head off about everything including the nurses trying to make her wear a pad etc

Was walking around the ward and saw the moment a woman passed away surrounded by her family there were spilling out of the room and into the ward and was wheeled out shortly after

Most harrowing was in ER a man wheeling in his in and out of consciousness wife that honestly looked like she was passing away and slapping her and everything to try keep her awake. Seeing the horror shock and pure heartbreak on his face is just stuck in my memory

Image credits: dmfberd

#27

Being told the baby I was pregnant with had no heartbeat from listening with the stethoscope…but because I was admitted through emergency due to heavy bleeding (not the maternity ward) they “couldn’t” get a sonographer to see me for 2 more days to confirm. The nurse then left my husband and I in a room alone for 4 hours without even checking on us despite the fact I was bleeding heavily and begging them for help. Her words were, “this happens all the time, you’ll have another one.”

The machine was literally upstairs and being used for other women who were admitted via maternity ??‍♀️

Anyway - that baby turns 8 now. So wild how we thought for a day there that he’d died. And again during birth but that’s another story.

Needless to say, hospitals aren’t my favourite place.

#28

I was in the hospital for a few days with what turned out to be nothing, but one night around 3 am they brought a new patient into my room. As they were getting him in the bed, he started having a full-voice conversation about how he felt fine and being in the hospital was silly. In a very polite, calm but firm voice. He started saying that he didn’t need to be there and was going home, getting progressively louder and angrier.

I could tell from the voice he was an elderly gentleman, and it turned out he had dementia.

The weird part was sitting there in the dark as a larger and larger group of doctors, nurses and orderlies came to try and get him to calm down. When that didn’t work, another woman who was clearly fairly high up the authority ladder started talking in a slow, loud and clear voice, telling the crowd (not the patient anymore) that they were going to restrain and sedate hIm.

She narrated every step, while he was shouting and threatening. Very clearly she was talking to future lawyers and investigators. The whole procedure took more than a half hour, while orderlies held him (which was different from restraining him). It ended with something like “we are injecting him to sedate him,” followed by a very quick fade-out before they took him out of the room.

it was very sad and scary to see (well, hear) someone who had clearly been a fairly smart, self-assured and independent person going down that road. Not understanding what was happening and getting insulted and then outraged by what he perceived as his mistreatment and loss of autonomy. It gave me a sense of what hell it must be caring for a loved one with Alzheimer’s.

#29

The hospital I go to is where police bring people that are in custody, so it’s not uncommon for a few officers at a time to accompany someone in cuffs who looks like they’ve been through a lot. Once there was a young girl who kicked the f**k out of a nurse in her stomach.

The scarier instance was when a very large man broke free (still cuffed) & while sprinting down the hallway, body checking every person in his way into walls and everyone was just shouting that they didn’t know what to do. I was still on a hallway bed and I could feel the air rush when he passed me, it was kinda crazy

#30

I was an employee at the ICU. A man had tried gunning down his wife, who was divorcing him. She managed to flee. So he drank concrete dissolver to commit suicide. That stuff is water-reactive, and all of the medicine we could give him were water-based. So, basically, there was nothing we could do at all, but watch him and monitor the situation. The chemical burns were intense and you could see all the way inside. He didn't live the night. He was comatose, of course. Still, there were police officers keeping guard the whole night, and the guy was in handcuff - not that he was going anywhere.

I've seen worse but that was pretty hard core.

Image credits: MoiJaimeLesCrepes

#31

I was in the waiting room waiting to be seen (for what turned out to be gall stones - not the most fun I’ve ever had), a group of young dudes come in, one guy’s face and knuckles are all covered in blood and his shirt is all ripped up, obviously been in a fight. The triage nurse asked what happened and the guy’s mate says “he fell down the stairs”. The triage nurse was like “ok, that clearly didn’t happen, I need you to tell me exactly what happened so we can triage and treat you properly”, and the guy insists he fell down the stairs. Meanwhile one of the other mates has picked a fight with security for whatever reason so the whole group arc up and start trying to fight the security guard so another security guard shows up and the whole group, including the dude who “fell down the stairs” all get kicked out.

MEANWHILE another nurse is getting screamed at by a lady whose son apparently came to the hospital in an ambulance but there was no record of her son being there.

There was some other crazy stuff but I get the feeling that was just a regular Saturday night.

#32

One night in the ICU, we had a "Code Blue" on a woman. We did absolutely everything, but she didn't make it. Finally, the doctor realized our efforts were futile, and we stopped. She lay in the bed. We were all just sort of starting to pick up, organize our thoughts, and wander out of her room to check on the other patients. Then we heard a sneeze and a loud "Achoo!" She wasn't dead after all!!! Her heart monitor started up again, and we all rushed back in! She survived!

At the work Christmas party the next month, we presented the doctor a pepper shaker and told her to add it to the "Code cart" (where we keep emergency supplies) so in the future, in addition to CPR and IV medications, she could just shake a little pepper under the patient's noses to make them sneeze!!

#33

Doctors office, not hospital

I was the receptionist, and a guy came in with what was clearly whooping cough. He kept telling the people with him it wasn’t, while in the waiting room. He went back as quick as possible. Dr said “we’ll call you an ambulance,” he declined, wanted to walk out. He collapsed right in front of my reception desk. Luckily, Dr had already called the ambulance and they pulled up very shortly after. Dude exposed an entire family practice to pertussis, including infants.

I was an extern, and this was 2017, when I still had a modicum of trust that people weren’t this stupid about infectious disease. If that didn’t cure me of it, 2020 sure did the trick.

ETA: luckily this was right before we closed for lunch, and you bet I sanitized everything in that waiting room.

Image credits: GloInTheDarkUnicorn

#34

A Vietnam Veteran collapsed on the floor of a VA hospital waiting room and having an acute crisis while VA staff pretended they couldn’t see it happening.

It looked like he was having a heart attack and he was screaming for help and the VA employees just rolled their eyes and avoided getting involved. They acted like he was a toddler throwing a tantrum. He was alone, scared, and in pain while experiencing a medical crisis *in a hospital* while the staff acted like he was a burden.

Multiple patients jumped up and helped him while yelling for assistance as soon as it started happening and stayed with him until I think someone called 911 and then the VA medical staff decided to finally assist because “they didn’t want to deal with *that* paperwork” according to one nurse that watched the whole thing.

I don’t know what happened or if he was even in danger but the behavior of the staff clearly showed how little they think of all the veterans looking to them for help and medical treatment. I will never trust a VA hospital or staff after seeing that.

Image credits: Eyfordsucks

#35

I was a patient in A&E and a young guy came in drunk as all f*ckery and he had ripped his sack open trying to jump a bollard. Well when he saw the needle the nurse had to use to numb his frank and beans, old mate was not having it. Cue what was almost like a horror version of a Scooby doo chase scene with flappy sack guy running in and out of rooms sans pants while getting chased by a bunch of security and nurses. They finally caught him and he promptly passed out so they continued his care while he was snoring away. I was just sat in my hospital bed trying not to laugh too hard and pop my stitches while messaging my mum like "you are NOT gonna believe what I just watched" ?

Image credits: Dapper-CookieCat

#36

I was an ER nurse so I've seen lots of crazy things but one of my favorites is when I was an EMT based in a part of Chicago known for a higher population of mental health and homelessness issues.


Homeless mentally ill gentleman enters ER with complaints of urinary retention and it is determined he needs a foley catheter placed. The patient refuses every nurse except the youngest and most attractive, and proceeds to verbalize to said nurse that she is those things while she places the catheter. After the catheter is in place and urine is draining there is a relatively peaceful 15 minutes after which the patient begins to berate staff for the turkey sandwiches not tasting good enough, the blankets not being warm enough, not being quick enough, etc. He proceeds to verbalize "f**k this place" rips out his foley catheter, stands up, walks to the wall right by the entrance to his room, and proceeds to projectile s**t all over the wall. He then walks out without telling anyone. Minutes later another nurse is squatting by the wall trying to wipe away the damage with tears in her eyes. 


I have no idea why I went through with becoming a nurse after that.

#37

I was in the A&E (ER for Americans) when a middle aged guy was wheeled into the space next to me, yelling and shrieking things like "oh god, this is it", "mum, dad, I'm dying, I'm going to see you again", "this is the end" etc punctuated with a long series of loud dramatic wails.

My initial thought was oh s**t, I've seen a few people die but it's never been like this, this is gonna be harsh. I couldn't see him directly as there was a dividing curtain between us but I could see everyone in front of us. Then I noticed the expressions of stupefied disbelief on the faces of the doctors and nurses which confused me even more.

This carried on for about 5-10 minutes then the wailing grew more desperate and he finished off with "I can see the light, I'm going towards the light, I'm going now, goodbye world, ooooooohhhhhh" which tailed off into silence.

After a few seconds of blissful quiet he started again with "oh, I'm back, it's a miracle, I've been sent back, oh glory be" at which point the nursing staff finally snapped.

One marched up to him and said, harshly, "Mr Smith(?), do you understand what's happening?"

He said "oh, oh, yes, I thought I was gone, I've been saved, it's miraculous, I'm reborn, I have a new chance at life!"

"No. What you have, Mr Smith, is a nosebleed."